So Much Hangs on Tomorrow

Today the nerves have really begun to set in as I think of all the things that hang on tomorrow's appointment. I am trying hard to be cautiously optimistic but sometimes I find myself getting too hopeful on Gamma Knife and other times I feel that there's no point in getting my hopes up. However, I will be going into it thinking positive and knowing that if this doesn't go through, God has other plans for me. Sometimes the hardest part is waiting to find out what those plans are.

I almost have all of my paperwork completely lined up in preparation for the appt. I have a few things I need to print off that have been updated since I last put them in. Beyond that, tonight I need to remember to put spare batteries for my voice recorder into my Medical Journal, put the credit card and check book in it, add some change in case we need it, and double-check everything. I'll have John look over the directions one more time and I'll ensure I have all the phone numbers I need.

We are planning on leaving at about 6:30 in the morning and hoping we can miss the most severe of the traffic. Google says it will take about 3 hours to get there and most of the time it is a bit on the high side estimate so I hope that holds true. If it does we should have time to spare before my appointment. The nurse said to call her if we hit traffic and she'd try to get us around it. She's been wonderful and assured me that if we are a bit late it won't hurt anything.

Anyway, I have a list of questions that are three pages long so I think I'll keep them busy as long as they'll let me. :) Of course, this could be a short discussion if they feel that I'm not a candidate for Gamma Knife. There's not a lot more to discuss if I'm not. I will get their opinion on what they feel I should do but I will continue to hold on to the position that if I'm not having symptoms, I'm not going to proceed with any other procedures right now. I will just go back into research mode and look at some of the other possible procedures that I've underlined that are near research completion or in trials. I'll know all I can about them for when the time comes they may become an option.

I'm sorry this has turned into a large ramble but when I'm nervous that's exactly what I do. Oh, I do have another thing concerning the appointment. John and I talked and we agreed that if I am a candidate and they can do it without a biopsy, we will go ahead and schedule the procedure for sometime in the early part of the new year. (January or February) We will see if we can get the third opinion from the other doctor we discussed and with any luck we can get that without actually being seen. (Not sure if he'll agree to it or not but I hear some of the more sought after will.) Then I'll contact my local NeuroSurgeon and try to get in to talk to him before the procedure. Basically, I'll give him the chance to explain why he thinks I am not a candidate for Gamma Knife and if he doesn't have the time for me then I'll do it without his approval. I believe in giving chances and I'd like to hear his reasons. If he continues to fight that it's not an option, despite showing him the two approvals, I will ask the NeuroSurgeon up North if he will become my primary NS and see if the Neurologist I saw locally would be willing to coordinate my local care. I have the feeling that neither of them would have a problem with that if it came down to it. Part of me hopes we don't have to go that far and when given all the details my NS will agree that it sounds like a good option. Believe me, I will continue to watch him very closely due to other things but as long as I am on top of what he is doing, I will just gently watch for another.

Ok, I better stop now. This is turning into a short novel and if everyone didn't already know I was a bit crazy... you do now. Huggles to all. - Your very nervous blogger Amy