I am Making a List

... and checking it twice but it's not to find out who's naughty and nice. :) Ok, so I'm in a bit better mood today than I was yesterday. This is surprising since I have such a sinus headache I've barely been able to see straight all day. For as long as I can remember I have suffered from Sinus infections and usually I just shrug them off an eventually get medication if I can't defeat it. However, my trigeminal is keeping me on my toes with this one. You see, it goes through phases where some times it is numb on the right side and other times it is heightened sensitivity. Therefore, there are times that the sinus pressure causes such a headache I can barely see and other times I can't even feel my nose let alone my sinus. Oh well, it's keeping me honest at least.

Ok, back on target. I've been working most of the day to make sure I have all the paperwork I can think of to take with me to Chicago on Friday. I've got copies of my medical records, a sheet that has all of my medical information summarized to give the doctor, three pages of questions to go over with him, all my medical cards that need to be given to them, my medical journal for going over anything that may be suspicious, and my calendar of dates so that I make sure and give all the right information to them. They will probably think I've decided to bring in a small filing cabinet with me but in reality it's a big help to have everything in one place and sorted out. It makes me feel like I have control over at least a little bit.

Anyway, I have a list of five general questions for him. (Similar ones that I asked my local NS but I have refined them.) I also have eleven general questions and seventeen "dependent" questions for him about Gamma Knife. Of course, none of these will matter if it is determined that I'm not a candidate, but I have them just in case. I also have a list of questions about a biopsy if it should happen that it is going to be required before they consider Gamma Knife an option.

It will be a long and tough decision if they tell me that they won't give me an answer without the biopsy. My biggest question, if they tell me it is a requirement, is what will it change? If there is no difference in what they can and will do, why bother with a test worse than the danged procedure? I realize that they want to know the exact details of my tumor. What they have to realize is that I don't give a dang what type of tumor it is. It's an object in my head that doesn't belong and may possibly some time in my life cause me problems... but it isn't right now. That's all I really care about. When the time comes that it starts giving me problems, then invasive tests may be in my list of options. For now, I really don't care what is in there as long as it stays put and doesn't try to grow. All I can see the biopsy as right now is an excuse to try to talk me into other procedures and they have to realize there IS NO SUCH THING AS OTHER PROCEDURES RIGHT NOW!!!

So you can see that I may have some battles before me even if the news is favorable on Friday. Will I decide to agree on the biopsy if it is a requirement? I can't honestly answer that right now but I will tell you that it will take a very good argument from them to convince me of it and A LOT of soul searching. I don't believe in unnecessary tests... especially ones that require more than a simple blood test. If the test doesn't clearly benefit the outcome, what is its purpose? They just have to remember that Gamma Knife is THEIR only option right now, regardless of what a biopsy shows or what they suspect it may be in change.

Ok, time to shut my mind off so I can get to sleep. Night