Wednesday, May 19, 2010

We All Have Our Weaknesses

No human is exempt from some weakness. Some of these are physical, some are trivial, some are serious, and still others are almost stupid to those who look in from the outside. My biggest weakness falls into the final category. A completely uncalled for anxiety that directly involves my hubby. The fastest way to send me into a complete panic attack is to tell me something is wrong with John or that I will be separated from him for some reason.

I've had people hear my story or read my blog and comment about how strong I am. Yet I don't consider myself strong at all. I know that it just takes one minor change in things to set me into a pathetic maniac. John has had to deal with a lot from me because of this. Honestly, there is no reason for me to have the reactions I do most of the time but the worst anxieties I have ever felt has all been centered around him.

Brain surgery didn't bother me at all. Yes, I was a little nervous from another uncalled for anxiety of IVs (which I am proud to say I have successfully overcome and it is now just an extreme dislike) but other than that, I was pretty calm considering the magnitude of what was going on. Also, I was able to deal with things my way and didn't have to worry about how others would react to how I felt. I could research all I wanted, take my treatment into my own hands, and not have to worry about stepping on others' toes.

I believe the above gives a good clue to why I have such severe anxiety about things surrounding my husband. While I can still research and learn everything I can about something... ultimately it isn't my decision about what is done. This causes me to panic about things that should be relatively minor... such as a hernia repair or seeing an urologist for male infertility. I know that sometimes I don't give John enough credit for what he does know but sometimes the side of me that says, "I've been there, he hasn't" takes over. He doesn't feel the need to go out of the way to find a minimally invasive and as painless as possible way of taking care of medical issues. He's never had to experience any of it so he just doesn't realize. A prime example of this is the IV he was given in the ER. He often gave me a hard time about being more nervous about the IV than anything. After he got his first IV, he realized what I hated so much about it.

Anyway, I guess I just needed to get some things off my chest so I could move on with some things and hopefully not drive John crazy until he gets his hernia taken care of. I want to believe that it all just stems from me loving him so much, I don't wish for him to have to experience some of these things if it is in any way avoidable. I also believe it is so much worse with him because I know that regardless of what happens, it is ultimately his decision and I have no say in the end.

ER, Swollen Glands, and Hernias

I've been very bad about updating over the last week. My blog has been completely left in the dark about issues that have happened. I will do my best to give a good summary.

Last Wednesday, my hubby came home saying he was having some sharp pains in the lower groin area. That in itself didn't worry us too much but upon further examination we noticed there was also a lot of swelling in the same area. We called into the tele-nurse and she directed us to the ER to make sure it wasn't something serious.

Little background... my hubby has never been severely sick in his life. This was the first time he had been to a hospital, had an IV, or any number of things that occur in the ER. Not sure why that matters just felt like I should put that in there.

Anyway, right from the start they discover a left inguinal hernia. We believed that this was the cause of the problems. The ER doc wanted to make sure that was all it was and there was no strangulation or anything. Therefore, IV, bloodwork, and CT scan later we have the official diagnosis that the cause of his pain wasn't the hernia but swollen glands in his groin from some type of viral infection. Was a fairly short trip for the ER at only around 4 hours and he was released with the instructions to follow-up with his doctor.

We did follow-up the next day and it was confirmed that it was a small hernia not really causing any problems but that we should follow-up with a general surgeon to look into our options. That is where we sit now. We have talked with one general surgeon and wasn't real pleased with either the options available to us or the attitude of certain people so we are going to seek a second opinion on June 4. Regardless of what we find out on the 4th, chances are he will not be doing anything until later in the year since the swollen glands/infection has to clear up first and we will be on vacation during this time. After that is his busy season so it's probably quite likely it won't be taken care of until end of year if we decide to do it then. (There's several things in the air presently but I'm not going to get into that right now.)

Anyway, that's been the last week in our family. I would love just one year that no one in my family ends up in the hospital/ER. We're on three years in a row now. *sigh* I guess this is life in the fast lane. (I would say as you get older but we're not old enough to be having these problems yet. LOL)

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

The Results are Officially In

The results of my last MRI are in and there is no change between it and the previous. I'm waiting for the nurse to talk with my doctor to find out when the next MRI will be but I'm guessing I'm good for another 4 months minimum.

I'm so glad I've learned to compare MRIs. It becomes a much more at ease week when you have a good idea of what to expect when you get the call.

Love ya all!