A Test of My Faith

I have a little background in this entry as well as some of my current outlook on what is going on right now. I hope this helps you understand my mindset and perhaps a bit more about me. Especially those that don't know me personally.

I am not a religious person. I do not attend church. There I said it. So what am I and how now, when I'm going through the toughest time of my life, can I still not accept the church? I believe in a God. I believe in a higher being that has some control over our lives. I believe in an afterlife, be it Heaven or otherwise. I do not believe that the bible is all encompassing. I do not believe that any one religion has the full story. I do believe that God is an understanding God and when it comes to people like me, he would rather me live a good life then to not and attend church every Sunday. My view on this is simple. If God will not accept me into "Heaven" because I have not declared a religion and gone to church as I should even though I have lived a good life of love for everyone around me, then he is no God I wish to worship anyway. I'm sure there will be people flame me now that I've actually written the above paragraph but the day I find a religion and church that is of my beliefs, is the day I will start attending church. In the meantime, I will continue to follow the "Church of Amy" and worship and talk to God in my way.

Ok, background is now over. Now to the meat of the subject. Back in October I wrote about an "Argument with God". At the conclusion of that argument, God and I made an agreement that he would give me the sign of when I need to move to the next step and that he would make it apparent. I have the faith that God will keep his word on this and will give me the sign when the time is right. Therefore, the latest MRI, all the doctors opinions, all the battles before me right this instant is simply a test of my faith. The ultimate test of whether or not I trust him enough to wait for the sign. I do trust him. I trust him with my life and my family's welfare. This is why, even if there continues to be massive change in the tumor, I will sit and wait.

This entry is more just something I need to get out in the open and off my chest than anything else. I hope that forgiveness can be given by those I've angered, support can be given by those that disagree, and faith can be strengthened by those that agree. I hope that I am able to change the focus of my entries some and speak more along open lines. I sought out to do that from the beginning but a realization made me tone it down a bit. I can't do that anymore. "I need to say what needs sayingbecause we are only here for a little while." - Billy Dean