Sunday, December 30, 2007

The Difference a Year Makes

2007 has been a year that will stick in my mind forever. What a change 12 months can make.

At the beginning of 2007, I was nervous about the fact we were working on our 12 month anniversary of trying to conceive. We would be starting infertility testing soon and the thought of finding something wrong with one or both of us terrified me. Especially if it was John. We would later find out that there was some low numbers in the male perspective but not bad enough to prevent us from conceiving. Our journey was not to end and we would continue through the summer.

After putting our lives on hold for over a year because of trying to conceive, we decided it was time to start living for what we do have. For the first time in 10 years of marriage, we began enjoying life. We spent many hours enjoying dance, allowed our son to enjoy a summer long camp, bought season passes to Six Flags, became soccer parents, and took every chance we could to to enjoy the small things of life.

In June, the stress of trying to conceive and anxiety over medical procedures related to it, prompted me to seek the guidance of a councilor to help me through it. Little would I know that this action would take on a whole new meaning in the months to come.

In August, our lives changed forever. The anxiety of the summer was no longer of importance, it was replaced by what our future would hold. Everything prior to August 22nd seems like a dream. It's like it was a different world and a different life. I've feared losing myself as who I am, every since the diagnosis. However, I now realize that I did lose myself that day. I am no longer the person I was. I am now stronger, less childish, and more dedicated to enjoying every second of every day. I no longer let the little things bother me and instead realize that it all goes together to make my life.

The anxiety over medical procedures and infertility seems so little compared to the anxiety we now face over possible surgery and its risks. I will probably continue to grieve over the loss of our second child who would never become a reality but I know that to continue the journey would be detrimental to my own health.

I have many more days to embrace in 2008 and beyond. I will hold them close to my heart. Even more so than the days we spent this summer enjoying life. If it is possible, I think I am stronger, more mature, and wiser than I was a year ago. I value the love my husband and I share even more and I cherish the miracle that we brought into the world 10 years ago with everything in my heart.

So there is my quick review of 2007. It was an emotional and trying year but cheers to 2008 and a much better and less trying year ahead. May 2008 find you all happy, healthy, and loved.

1 comment:

  1. I think things can only get better from here. Wishing you health and happiness in the New Year.