Sunday, November 18, 2007

Stepping up to the Plate

AKA, Game plan

If you haven't yet read the post "A Weight off of my Shoulders," you should do so before reading this one. Otherwise, this post may not make a great deal of sense to you.

Now I'm not totally unreasonable. I do realize that there is a point in time where my quality of life will lower below that 100% and there is a good chance that lowering will be caused directly by the tumor. I'm sure when that happens, I'll get a lot of "I told you so" from some people but that is a chance I'm willing to take. I have told John that I have drawn a line in the sand of what it means to me to be below 100% when it comes to the tumor affecting me. Here's what the line is:

1. Grand Mal Seizures
2. SPS (Simple Partial Seizures or Petit Seizures) that develop to the point that I can no longer live my life in a meaningful way.
3. A headache that develops and floors me for more than 48 hours or recurs for more than two weeks. (two weeks because sinus and neck problems have been known to do this to me but not usually longer than that time frame.)
4. Paralysis on my left side.

The only thing that would convince me to do it without my quality of life being affected below that barrier is a change of more than a cm in a one year period. I know that this would mean it is growing faster and it's a now or never slot.

Now, by waiting for these things to happen, I have a little more leverage when going into a surgery. One it is no longer elective. Two we have proof that there is probably more than a Grade One tumor up there and thus I can more easily convince a doctor to do a full resection instead of just the biopsy. I don't see the point in going in there once, taking a sample, finding out it's a tumor of a higher grade, and then turn around and do it all again. They have to realize that this will be a one time opportunity and if they don't take what they want the first time, they won't do it again.

So by waiting, not only will I be able to feel that it is time to do this, but I will also have a little leverage in doing this thing the first time.

I have promised John and I am telling you all now, that if any of the above occurs, I will be in surgery as soon as the hospital can squeeze me in. In my heart I know that there comes a time when you have to sacrifice a bit of your quality of life for the greater good. When that time comes, I will recognize it and I will tighten my grip on the bull's horns and stare him directly in the eyes. Until then, I will continue to take this battle one step at a time and I won't be running to fast.

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