The Month in Review... July

Wow, it is still July and I'm getting this post out!!! July literally flew by!

• I'm 13 months past the partial resection of my Grade Three Brain Tumor
• It has been 9 months since I completed external beam radiation
• It has been 7 weeks since I had my first complex partial seizure and 6 weeks 4 days since my last simple partial seizure.
• It has been 2 years since I was hit in the face with a baseball starting this journey and nearly 2 years since the tumor was discovered.

Medically - I am still getting headaches but they are more on the "constant but bearable" stage than the unbearable I was having. When I remember to add them in, two Tylenol every 5 hours seems to keep them at bay. (Sometimes waking up at night, sometimes not.) I have only had to reach for the ibuprophen in high quantities twice in the past week and that was after majorly overdoing it with the hat. I have decided I need to just quit with things on my head because truthfully, the bald spot isn't that visible any more.

The saga with the doctor's office continues... Remember when I said:

"He wants me to call next week to schedule an appointment with him to discuss the scan in more detail and schedule the next MRI."

Note that both John and I heard the doctor make the above statement. I call the doctor's office Monday morning to make this appointment. The reception area had to send the request to the nurse. First off she was snippy with me about why I was calling AGAIN. I told her that the doctor at the clinic had said that the doctor wanted me to make an appointment to discuss the MRI and future options. She replied (again very snotty) "well didn't the doctor at the clinic discuss the results with you?" I calmly replied "yes, but she said the doctor wanted to speak with me." Her response was again not professional, "Well everything is stable so let's schedule you for September 8th and it's a work-in so make sure and be there." (Note that September 8th is almost exactly 2 months after my last MRI and the radiologist had said 1-2 months.) Getting quite ticked off myself, I didn't push the subject since I knew it was no use fighting a stubborn !BEEP! and that I would be better off taking it up with the doctor when I finally get to see him. However, since it takes "two weeks to get an MRI scheduled", I will be calling her at the six week mark to get my MRI scheduled. If she doesn't have it set by the time I see the doctor, there's one more strike against her.

So I've decided that the nurse is a HUGE problem and her and I are going to have to have some rounds before she gets it into her head that I [s]probably[/s] most definitely know A LOT more about my condition than she does and therefore she needs to stop acting like she knows what is best for me and what to "waste the doctor's time" with. If I get any issues with getting the MRI scheduled, I will be going to the administrator of the clinic and filing a formal complaint. Furthermore, if the MRI is delayed and it shows any sign of problems that might have been prevented/caught earlier had I been allowed to speak with the doctor and get my MRI sooner... I will be pressing far beyond a complaint and if all goes well, she won't be a nurse for long. I'm not usually this way but she is playing God with someone's life, not a puppet and that someone just happens to be me!!! Besides, last I knew a nurse did not have a medical degree nor the right to make decisions about a patient's health. Therefore she should also not be deciding what to pass on to the doctor and what to conveniently leave out. UGH. I need to get off this subject my blood pressure is rising!

Emotionally - Well, it hasn't been a good few weeks in the emotional department either. I'm very short tempered right now because of the headaches, lack of sleep, and total frustration at the nurse. The other day I came up with a thought that puts it all very well into perspective. I feel like I'm a prized fighter in the match of my life (more of a fight for my life) and those that are supposed to be standing in my corner and giving me a boost and support (medical community), are instead taking sucker punches at me trying to make me lose. I've come to realize now why so many people do not take their health into their own hands and be their own advocate. When you are met from constant and total resistance, it's hard to find the fight. It would be much easier to sit back and let the doctor manage my life. Heck, maybe I should have long ago started chemo and then we wouldn't be in this place right now (I'd probably be in worse shape but I'd be getting my MRIs!)!!! Oh to be able to take the easy way and just follow whatever the doctor says without researching alternatives and getting the facts. That would be the easy way and I've never taken the easy road.

Mentally - I can't deny that the loss of my license is taking it's toll on me mentally. I hate being reliant on others and having to coordinate an already crazy schedule just a bit more. I spend as much energy on this as I do most other things in my life. My son and I had plans this summer during my company shutdowns. Now it is "just another week stuck at home". It feels a lot like last summer did when I also could not drive. I just hope this isn't a pattern and that things go smoothly next summer. (Of course, hopefully the economy has improved and we don't have the shutdowns next summer.)

I've buried myself a lot into facebook because it's something I can do that is mindless and can get me away from everything. That's not a good thing but it works. I don't even really get pleasure in my Harry Potter sites right now or even games for that matter. I'm sure it's just a low part of the roller coaster and I'll get back ahead of it, but right now this whole thing sucks and it's making me someone I'm not.

Physically - Well, my physical side can be summed with one word... headache. Honestly, things have been better this week than they were the previous week and I've managed to get motivated to work on the house some and my energy is a little better. Not a lot but a little. Now if I can just add more than 6 hours of sleep a night into the equation, I might actually feel pretty good again!

Well, I'm officially down a pant size! One day over lunch my mom and I went shopping and I got a couple of pairs of pants that fit me pretty good. They are a size smaller than what I've worn since I had my son and honestly, I'm probably not far from being able to go one size smaller yet. Unfortunately, I do have two problem areas that are not my tummy and therefore I struggle with the next size down because I never get it far enough up to be at the tummy. I don't want to be uncomfortable so we'll stick with this size for a while!

If all goes well, I may be getting my first haircut since I had surgery. I'm hoping we can figure something out to make my hair lay better than it does right now. I'm struggling with the very thing I hate about natural curl... it always looks unkempt to me no matter what I do to it. Maybe we can change my mind's eye on this a bit. LOL

Work/Family/Play - Well my son got a blue ribbon in foods and a blue ribbon in his consumer project at the 4H show. He will be showing in woodworking and electricity on August 3rd. He has been working with his dad to finish up these projects in a timely manner. It's nothing like waiting until the last minute!

Today my son left to go to Chicago for a trip with 4H. I think he will have a blast. It's only an overnight trip but it's good for him to get away since other plans became shot when I had my seizure. This is two summers in a row that plans didn't exactly go as planned thanks to my health. However, next summer we are going to Disney come hell or high water!

We also found out that school starts for him on the 19th. This is going to cause a few minor issues because we were planning on all being out of town during this time. I guess we will have to find someone for him to stay with so he can stay home and not miss any school. I think they start earlier and earlier every year. It's just not right to start school before the State Fair is over!

All jurors were dismissed for John's first week of jury duty. Now he has to wait until August to find out if he'll have to serve on that round.

Well, I think that's about it for now. Hoping I get more sleep tonight than the three hours I had last night. Hoping this is finding everyone well. *huggles*

Not quite normal; but improvement

Well, I started on the steroid, per doctor's orders, on Saturday. Not doing to bad with them so far. Little on the cranky side and having hot flashes out of this world but other than that, not too bad.

The headaches have also improved. Friday night I figured out the trick. You see, I am typically a belly or right side sleeper. This is how I discovered on Thursday night that my headaches got worse if I slept on my right side. Well, Friday night I forced myself to sleep on my back. This has never been an easy thing for me. I'm the one that slept with my belly in a triangle of pillows when I was pregnant with my son because it was the only way I could sleep. Anyway, I found that if I put a pillow under my ergo-neck pillow and shoved another pillow under my right side and another to curl up with on my left, I could at least hit a light sleep and keep the headaches from rearing up at night. I actually went all night Friday night without having to take additional pain meds. Same for last night. So, hopefully I'm working on getting this thing figured out. I still have to be careful because any pressure no matter how light on my right side is causing the headaches but it's still much better than it was.

I think yesterday I got through the day with only 5 ibuprophen and 4 tylenol. I'm trying to move to normal doses of tylenol instead of so many ibuprophen. I guess I'll know at a later date if the steroids are doing anything for me at all other than making me a bit moody.

Anyway, I just wanted to post a quick update so I had better get some things done now. I have some paperwork I need to get through and a load of laundry to fold. UGH!!!

I Finally Got My MRI

Ok, first a little update on what has happened since I posted my last update.

On my last update: I had called the neurologist concerning the headaches and was told I could not get an MRI until it had been six months and he wasn't concerned about it anyway. It's just scar tissue so nothing to worry about.

Since then: I contacted the insurance company and the doctor is full of crap because there is nothing that prevents a medically-necessary MRI and they could see no reason this would be denied.

Evening of the 9th, while waiting for a headache to go away, I realized part of the headaches developed when I would lay on my right side of my head. I got to thinking that about a week prior I had hit my head hard getting out of my mom and dad's car. The more I thought, that was also when the headaches went from "constant but bearable" to "horribly painful". Now concerned about a possible concussion, I contact his office again.

This is where we come to today. I heard back from his nurse just before lunch and she asked for additional information on what I was experiencing. Well, by this time I was not only dealing with the headache but I was extremely nauseous and just not feeling myself. She called back around 2 and the doctor said that if I was concerned I should go to Prompt Care or the ER. At this time of the day, he would not be able to get me into an MRI for several days but they would be able to push it forward.

So off to Prompt Care we went. I had a great doctor and she agreed that it needs to be looked into. Within 20 minutes I was ready for an MRI. The basic conclusion was as follows: There has been a lot of change since the last MRI but the radiologist was pretty certain that it wasn't recurrence of any of the tumor/cancer. However, he did think there was a significant amount of scar tissue and that it should be reevaluated with another MRI in one to two months. He said that the scar tissue was positioned as such that it was causing pressure on the "flap" where they went in for surgery and thus causing my pressure headaches. They contacted my Neurologist and he agreed with the radiologist's assessment. He wants me to call next week to schedule an appointment with him to discuss the scan in more detail and schedule the next MRI. Basically, if we had not gone with the MRI, it might not have been the end of the world but we'd be stretching this thing out several more months waiting to see if things changed even more significantly thus changing the diagnosis to a possibility of regrowth.

The final verdict being: There is significant change (this is a bad thing but normal post radiation and surgery), none appears to be regrowth (a good thing), the scar tissue appears to be causing some pressure and the headaches as well as the seizures (a bad thing), we need to reevaluate it in a short term setting to make sure there is indeed no regrowth coming (a good thing). Basically, the Neuro had to "eat a little crow" because at first glance it was very suspect for regrowth and every doctor I was in contact with today told me I was well in my right to get this MRI and that this needs to be watched very closely.

Oh, the remaining bad... go ahead and take the steroids and take ibuprophen/tylenol for the headaches. Not much else right now they can do. Gee thanks, Doc!!!

What a day. I'm going to bed now. The good, the bad, the ugly.

Trigeminal Nerve... Answering a Comment

This post in in response to a comment left by Kristen:

hi, i just read your post....was wondering if your nerve healed back to normal.

Thanks for the inquiry, Kristen.

I will admit that I don't think too much about the trigeminal nerve any more taking the lead from my doctors who all think it is nothing in comparison to the other things I am dealing with. (I don't disagree but I also hate having some of these nagging little things out there that they won't deal with because of the "bigger fish to fry".)

Anyway, I have been taking Neurontin to keep the nerve from hurting with the "windburnt" feeling I had in the beginning. Therefore, it is very difficult to say for sure if it has healed fully or not. I still ocassionally get the numb feeling and my right eye still goes through major bouts of dryness, which are all issues I had in the beginning with the nerve. Therefore I am guessing it is still there and not really back to normal. With the assistance of the medication, it feels more normal but it has its days when it isn't.

I hope I was able to answer your question, Kristen!

The Month In Review... June

Ok... so it is July. I think I spoiled you all in June with all the updates. Be prepared because you may have more of that in July!!!

• I am a year and just shy of one month from the partial resection of my GRADE THREE BRAIN CANCER. (I'll explain the capitals here in a bit.)
• It has been 9 months since I completed radiation.
• It has been 1 month since my first complex partial seizure.
• It's been almost 2 years since I was hit with the fate driven baseball that started the journey!

Medically - Where to start, where to start. Benign topics first I guess. I still have to go for follow-ups with my eye "issue" but he doesn't believe it's anything to be too worried about, he just wants to watch it. *rolls eyes* (Read between the lines, he gets paid $350 from the insurance company every time I walk in the door so he wants to keep the money coming in.)

I did finally get my partial for my teeth. It feels good to have teeth again and within about two days after wearing them, my mouth pain went away. Imagine that...

Now to open the can of worms... As you all know, I had my first seizure last month. Thanks to Keppra, I have not had a seizure since the 11th so that is a good thing. Now I just have to wait out the 6 month grounding so I can drive again and things would almost be back to normal. My neurologist is pretty certain it is just scar tissue causing the seizures but I myself am beginning to have my doubts. About two days before the first seizure, I had some horrible headaches. I didn't think too much about it then because my neck was bothering me, my mouth was killing me, and it was starting to get hot out and the heat always gives me minor headaches. I figured the three things together is what made them so bad. Well, the headaches continued beyond those two days and well past when I stopped having seizures. I asked the neurologist about them and he said it was probably the scar tissue causing them as well. Long story short, I've now been dealing with the headaches for a solid month and they seem to be getting worse rather than better. Knowing severe headaches can be a sign of pressure in the brain or tumor regrowth, I contacted his office about them thinking maybe we should get another MRI to make sure there is nothing going on up there. If it is regrowth we need to start treatment yesterday so we really shouldn't wait another month to have the MRI.

Well, his nurse spoke with him (without even having talked to me first just going by what the receptionist took down) and he said the insurance company would not approve an MRI less than 6 months apart. For one I know this is not true because I had an MRI every other month leading up to surgery and secondly most Grade Three Brain Cancers have MRIs every three months for the rest of their lives. She stuck by her guns saying that it would be a waste of money and that he said it was not necessary. Instead they are putting me on something for the headaches and will wait until August for the MRI. Guess what I'm going to do today? Call the insurance company and see if a cancerous brain tumor is allowed an MRI only every six months or not. Anyone know a good neurologist in central IL?

Had she not ticked me off by being so adament that the doctor was more knowledgeable than me on the subject I would have probably remembered to tell her the other issues I've been having. Let's see, signs of a brain tumor: headaches, dizziness, seizures, nausea, feeling not like oneself, etc. Well, I've have all of those signs in the past month. I can't believe all five of these signs would suddenly show themselves, when I have never even had a sign from the tumor in my entire life, if there wasn't something more going on up there. I was sure to call John and tell him what was said. I want as many "witnesses" as possible for when I have my MRI in August and it shows regrowth!!!

Emotionally - *Deep Breath* Well, as you can see by the above section, I'm not in a very good place emotionally right now. I'm in pain, I'm aggravated, I feel like I'm being hung out to dry by the fourth doctor since this journey began, I'm in pain, I'm annoyed that no one is really listening to what I'm trying to say, I'm in pain, I'm frustrated that I've now had to fire every doctor that I've dealt with on this issue but one because of their attitude or lack of listening power, did I mention that I'm in pain? Obviously, my neurologist wasn't at the hospital when I had surgery. He doesn't know my pain tolerance. Not many are able to leave the hospital on nothing but tylenol when they've just had brain surgery. Well, that same person is taking between 8 and 12 ibuprophen a day to keep the pain to a tolerable level. Does this sound at all normal to you?

I guess the biggest issues are that not only am I relying on everyone around me to get places but my resolve to fight doctors is almost gone. I am in too much pain to care anymore and that scares me. I've always been a fighter and I've always been able to go against the odds and get what I know is needed but I've not got it in me to do anymore. So two major areas of my personality have not been beaten down and I fear my will to fight this crap in my head will be next. Unfortunately, feeling this way now is not a good thing because if my fears are right and this is regrowth, I am going to need all the strength I've fought with for the last year and then some to dive into the next chapter of this story.

Mentally - I'm getting quite a bit back into the issue I hit many months ago where the Mental and Emotional sides are pretty much one. My motivation has again taken a hit but I think a lot of it is because my mind never really feels clear because of the pain I'm experiencing right now. I have things I need to do this week while we are off on shutdown but I am lucky to get half of one thing accomplished before I want to curl up back in bed to sleep. (Yet another symptom that has arisen since right around the time I had the first seizure.)

Physically - I knew the many months of reporting an improvement in my stamina would have to eventually stop. Well, this last month has shown a major decrease in my stamina and my energy level sucks. It's almost bad enough that when I see the Psychiatrist on the 21st, I'm tempted to try going off of the Adderrall and see if there is any change at all. I feel at least as bad as I did when I started it back in December, if not worse at this point.

I have had to start wearing belts for most of my pants again. I have broken the threshold of my lowest weight since having my son. Yet one more thing that is starting to concern me a bit in hindsight. I'm not doing anything different that should be making me continue to lose weight. I haven't danced but three times all year and outside of a little yard and house work, nothing major in that respect either. I had plateaued nicely before I had surgery last year and basically felt that if I got back to that weight eventually, I would be happy. Now I'm working on well below that weight. I guess this is just something else I need to mention to all of my doctors and see if any of them truly try to figure out what is going on. I thought it was supposed to be harder to lose weight the older you got, not easier.

The hair is doing amazing and I may actually have to go in for a haircut soon so that maybe someone can do something with this disaster on my head. The "bald" area isn't really bald anymore. It has lots of very sparse, fine, light colored hair. It is quite a bit lighter than the hair around it so it still sticks out pretty bad but it is truly there!!! If it weren't for the horrid curl that has taken residence, I could do a combover right now and hide the fine area but the curl makes it impossible to do. Have I ever mentioned that I hate curl?

Work/Family/Play - Well, I am mid way through the 5th week of shutdown we have had this year. Our plant has two more scheduled. One in August, one in September. There is actually a whole month between this one and our next one. I hope I am able to make it through them. My body has never fully gotten back into the swing of full-time employment since coming back from surgery last year and the shutdowns have been just far enough apart that just when I get to the point I can actually make it through a week without nearly losing it, we are off again. This next stint should be interesting!

It does help that we are very busy in IT at work. We have several projects going and that is good because the time we are there goes by quickly. However, it also means I wear myself out more trying to reach deadlines in the drastically reduced time frame. We'll see how it goes over the next few weeks.

John and my son are working on 4H projects this week. I think he has finished his electricity project and they will be working on the woodworking next. He has his foods and consumer show tomorrow. He has his consumer project done but he needs to get moving on making his muffins or he's going to run into supper making them.

He was able to pass the 6th grade. He didn't pull it off by much but I think that he was scared into working a bit harder next year as long as this has been a boring enough summer for him. (His poor grades has warranted a summer grounding from all video games)

John is finally slowing back down with planting season. He is putting in normal hours again and should be home Saturdays again for several weeks. He has declared he will be taking some days off to get things done around here but we'll see. He is also going to have to take some time off for jury duty at the end of July and August. He has the darndest luck with that. I think in the 12 years we have been married he has had 6 summons for jury duty. He served the first and the fourth but got out of the other three because he had just served. One was for the federal jury so we were both thankful he didn't get caught with that one. At the time he received it, there was no way we could have survived if he had to miss a week or more without pay.

John and I were able to dance twice the week of Relay. It was great! I miss dance so much but the way I feel right now, I'm not sure I could dance if I wanted to. There won't be any more dances until the 18th so maybe I'll get something sorted out between now and then. *sigh*

Relay - Relay was a huge success even if we did have to move it inside. I haven't finished figuring up the remainder of our money but I will need to do that by the end of the week. Our team was a silver team based on the amount of money we raised and we were the second team in fundraising for the event. I will be sure to report the final total after it is all totaled. Thank you all again for your support!!!

Well, I guess I better make some phone calls now. I need to call the hospital in Chicago to get some paperwork filled out and my insurance company to see if my neurologist is just trying to pull a fast one or if I indeed can not get another MRI with a cancerous tumor until August.

Huggles.

An Update from Relay Weekend

Wow, this weekend has been wild, crazy, and a lot of fun!

I'll post a full fledged monthly update some time next week. For now I just want to talk about the weekend and how Relay went.

Friday afternoon around noon, we began setting up our campsite for the Relay at Lincoln High School. It was crazy trying to get everything done and the plan for having Relay inside wasn't fully figured out so there was quite a learning curve and things had to be moved around a few times at the campsite. We were able to finish setting up before the Survivor's Dinner at 4:30 with the exception of some minor details. At 4:30, I went with my Grandma and her friend Ida to the survivor's dinner. We are all three survivors. Of course, you know my story. My Grandma had a tracheotomy 12 years ago from throat cancer and her friend had breast cancer around the same time. The meal was catered by John Guzzardo and it was absolutely fabulous.

We had walking tacos we were selling throughout the night thanks to a very generous donation by my cousin (he owns Kicks and a few Subways). They were a pretty good hit although it would have been great to sell 100 more or so! At 6, the Relay started with the team lap and the Survivor's lap. It's really quite overwhelming when you walk the survivor's lap. Everyone claps as you walk the track and it really makes you realize that THIS is what Relay is about. Celebrating those still with us and later in the luminaria presentation, remembering those we've lost.

Around 8:30 the square dancers were on the floor until the luminaria event began at 9. We were supposed to start at 8 but the auction ran longer than they expected. It felt good being out there dancing again. We've been so busy with Relay and stuff that we've only been dancing twice all year. I wish to thank all of the square dancers that came out to support Relay and me. It really meant a lot to me to see such a wonderful turnout.

At 9, we started off the luminaria lighting with some words/stories from some of us touched by cancer. I was privileged to be one of the speakers at this and I hope that my speech helped drive home some of the messages that the American Cancer Society wishes to send about cancer. At some point in the future, I will post what my speech was so you all can read it. It's actually quite funny. I told the chair that she needs to be careful when she sends out a speech for something, you never give a writer the permission to embellish. LOL I basically rewrote the entire thing but the message was still there. She said she loved it and I did get some applause at the end of my part. It helps when you have one of the more exciting parts and are able to end it with a shouting chant of "FIGHT BACK".

The rest of the night was filled with varying activities, specialty laps, etc. It really started dying down around midnight and continued throughout the remainder of the night. However, John and I stayed all night and were there to release the balloons at 6 AM. I really found it to be awesome and I loved captaining the team this year. We were awarded the silver team award for the money we raised and we finished second of all the teams before putting in the fundraisers from Relay.

John and I both crashed until around 1:30 PM and we agreed we would go dancing Saturday night. When I took my shower, I realized that a fall I took early in the day of Relay, did quite the number on my ankle. It was quite purple and John almost wouldn't let me dance. I'm glad he changed his mind though after I convinced him it really doesn't hurt and that it's probably just bruised.

We went dancing Saturday night. I think we were able to get in three tips and it felt good to be back on the dance floor. I didn't realize how much I had missed dance. It really is one of the best date nights you can have and there are a lot of very wonderful people that square dance as well.

Today is Father's Day so Happy Father's Day to all of you dads out there!!! We are getting ready to go grocery shopping and then over to my parents to unload the trailer from all the Relay stuff we shoved in there Saturday morning. I am very sore today from the knees down. I think I should have stretched out better or need to get back to walking nightly so that I don't have this problem. :)

It's been over a week now since my last seizure so I do believe that we've got the right dosage of meds going into my system now. Now I just have to wait out the 6 months grounding from driving and I'll be back to normal.

Well, I've got to wrap this up. I'm sure there will be more updates now that Relay is over and I have that time back.

Sending A Happy Father's Day!!!

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My Appointment with the Neurologist

Well, my appointment with the neurologist went as good as I expected it would. He was happy the seizures were under control now and felt that as long as there were no seizures we'd leave the dosage alone. The EEG I had that Monday looked good and there was nothing that was out of the ordinary in it. He is certain it is scar tissue caused from surgery and radiation. We always knew this was a risk because scar tissue can cause problems with seizures and there has been a lot of torture to my brain over the last year and thus a lot of scar tissue.

Anyway, he told me he didn't see a problem with me returning to work as long as I felt good and I'm grounded from driving for six months following my last seizure per state law. He wants me to report to him if I have any other seizures so he can increase the dosage and carry on with the MRI for August as previously determined. All in all he said I seemed pretty sound neurologically and we'll just put this one up as one of the benefits to living with brain cancer. *Smiles sarcastically*

Well, I just wanted to report.

Huggles,

-- Amy

The Seizures Have Stabilized Now

After having between 30 and 40 simple partial seizures on Wednesday and only 9 on Thursday, I have not had a seizure since 9:30 on Thursday night!!! You don't realize how good something as simple as not having a seizure in 36 hours can be until you've dealt with them with high frequency for a few days.

Now my attention turns do other things. I need to get my son ready for camp and John and I will take him there Sunday evening. I am also doing final things for Relay. I have trees to finish, posters to make, packing to do, and of course the final team email to prepare and send. Monday I get to go get my partial fitted for my teeth and I'm hoping that I get to keep a set. We'll see how it turns out. I also have a graduation party tonight for my Harry Potter group Plano Hogwarts. I am the first ever graduate at the site and I'm throwing a huge party. There will also be a surprise but I can't tell you what that is or it wouldn't be a surprise.

Other than all that and hopefully no more seizures, I see the neurologist on Tuesday and I'm pretty sure there will be an MRI in the coming week. I will report what I find out after Tuesday. Friday is Relay For Life. If you are in the area, please come out and support us!!! I'd love to see many of you there. It's at Lincoln High School and it's from 6 PM til 6 AM! From 8 PM until 9 PM I will be square dancing as part of the entertainment for the night so for those that have not seen me dance, come on out and get a good laugh.

I am also hoping to attend our first square dance in several months Saturday night but it will completely depend on how tired I am following the all-nighter on Friday.

A Year (Plus) In Pictures

Today is the one year anniversary of my brain surgery. Here is a special little treat for you that I've been working on. A year and a bit more in pictures. (Scott, you might want to skip this post.)

For Another Week or So

It's sad to say that you are getting used to something that throws a wrench in your day but I'm getting used to my simple partial seizures. I've had around 40 of these today but honestly some of the time I don't even realize they are occurring. Sometimes they come in the form of extreme euphoria that causes me to not only think I'm extremely happy but to make my mouth smile involuntarily. Other times, of late, they are just coming as fluttering of the eyes or my eyes moving very quickly. They seem to come in spurts of 5 or 6 in a short period of time with a large gap of time between. They only last from 5 to 15 seconds and most of the time those around me don't even realize I am having them unless the elation comes at an inappropriate time or when I am in the middle of a conversation with someone. Even then it's usually just a slight pause until it passes.

Today I went by work in order to copy some things to my laptop to work on from home. It was good seeing everyone and letting a few of the more worrisome ones know I am ok. I have been having more seizures today but I think it is more because I didn't sleep well last night then the fact I have been more active today. I am looking forward to being able to go back to work on the 22nd. It will hopefully be good for my seizures as well if I can keep my mind occupied on other things. Not that I am thinking about them a whole lot but having something else to keep me in line might not be all too bad.

I think the worst part is being "grounded" for the next six months. John won't even let me drive the riding mower to mow the grass!!! Not driving doesn't bother me near as much other than having to rearrange my schedule at work in order to ride in with my parents and having to tell my son he can't do certain things because of John's schedule and my inability to drive. I just wish these things would have waited until after Relay next weekend. I have a ton I need to do this and next week and I will be depending on others to take me to do all of it. As if rearranging things for doctor's appointments isn't bad enough, now I also have to arrange for rides. *sigh*

I wish to thank everyone for all their prayers and offers of assistance. My family and I appreciate them greatly and you can bet we will be taking some of you up on these offers as we need them.

I hope to see everyone that I can at Relay on the 19th. With a little luck I will be out there dancing at 8 PM for the square dance and again saturday night if I'm not too exhausted.

Huggles to all,

-- Squiggles (Long story, I'll explain next time. LOL)

Now It's Simple Partial Seizures

Today has been much quieter than yesterday was but things have not completely calmed down. I was in contact with my doctor today and what I am experiencing is normal and could last for a week or more before settling down. All day I have been having what is known as Simple Partial Seizures. They are not near as severe as they were yesterday and doesn't affect me near as much but they are there.

Basically, the new seizures give me a sudden sense of euphoria and I smile for no reason, most of the time when it is inappropriate. This will last for a few seconds and the corner of my mouth will twitch. Again, I am fully conscious and I don't lose my balance or anything but I am unable to speak when these occur. They only last for a few seconds now. Maybe 30 seconds at the most. They are just really annoying and come quite frequently. I'm guessing I've had 30 today. I guess we'll find out more when I see the doctor on Tuesday.

I am hoping to swing by work tomorrow to visit and set some things up so I can work more easily from home. Unfortunately, I hadn't planned on working from home this week so I didn't prepare for it by moving files over to my laptop. This will be my plan tomorrow and to show everyone that I am ok, despite the seizures. My son will go with me so if there is anything that goes goofy, he'll be there.

I've basically started a new topic in my blog. Not that I've really wanted to open this topic but it breathes some life back into it. Tomorrow is the one year anniversary of my surgery. If things go well, I'll have a little treat to post tomorrow.

He's really been good today, helping me out and being here. I don't even think that my partial seizures worry him anymore. It's sad that a 12 year old has to go through watching these but at the same time, he's my hero more than once now and I think he is a great son.

Thank you everyone for all of your messages and well wishes to both he and I. I love you all. *huggles*

Saved Again by My Guardian

This was not the way I wanted to spend the just shy of 1 year anniversary of my surgery.

Some of you may have already heard about this but today, my guardian angel (aka my son) possibly saved my life (and his) again. This morning, while I was driving to work, I had a seizure for the first time ever. While having the seizure, it caused me to veer to the left side of the road. My son realized this was happening just as the front tire hit the concrete barrier on a bridge and was able to pull the wheel and get us back on the road. Had he not thought quickly and done this, we might have both been seriously hurt.

I managed to get the car to a parking lot and wait for John to get there. While waiting I had two more seizures. I was able to tell when they were going to come on because I got a sense of euphoria and my mouth would switch and attempt to smile even when there was no reason. This would last about 2 seconds before it would put me into a full complex partial seizure. My eyes would flutter and my eyes rolled up into the back of my head. My neck would also stiffen to the left. I never lost consciousness and I could hear everything that was said but I was unable to respond to anyone in any way.

After John got there, we headed to the ER per my neurologist's instructions. On the way there I had another seizure the same as the previous three. Luckily, the wait at the ER wasn't bad at all and I was seen almost immediately. I had another seizure while the doctor was in talking with me. He was able to get a solid diagnosis of complex partial seizure. After talking to my neurologist, I received a shot of Ativan which is a quick acting drug that will stop all seizures but it only lasts a short while. I was also started on the Keppra (500 mg) drug, which I will take twice a day for probably the rest of my life.

After I was released from the hospital, I had to go to the clinic to have an EEG done. An EEG tests your brain waves and monitors to see if anything is misfiring and causing the seizures. I will not know the results of this test until I see my Neurologist next Tuesday.

I have not had a seizure since 8:30AM when I had it with the doctor. With any luck I will not have any more and we can start the long process of monitoring. I will not be able to drive for 6 months after it is proven that the seizures are under control.

The Neurologist and the ER doctor both believe they were caused from scar tissue that is resultant from surgery and radiation. We were told even before I had surgery that I was a risk for seizures and they told me multiple times that radiation can cause side-effects for up to 10 years. I am sure that my neurologist will order an MRI when I see him but for now we are all pretty certain it's scar tissue from radiation.

I wanted to make sure and update everyone. I will keep you all posted on what is going on. For now, all is well but this week will be a big test.

Huggles,

-- Amy

The Month in Review... May

The statement for the month... Where in the world is time going? It seems like it was just a few months ago that I had surgery and here it is nearing the 1 year mark.

• I am 11 months past the resection of my brain tumor
• It has been 7 months since I completed radiation
• I am in month 3 after finding that things are stable

Medically - Things with my head continue to be stable and no symptoms have tried to sneak their way in so I'm happy with things at the time being.

The meds continue to work their wonders with keeping my energy and mood stable. I know the boys are very happy for this. They can tell if I've not taken them for some reason.

I'm still waiting for the faithful day I get my partial for my teeth. I can feel my teeth moving constantly and I can't wait. In the meantime, when it flares up I take ibuprophen for it because that's all that seems to help. My blood pressure continues to be stable despite a flare up of allergies/cold over the past month. This is a good thing. I also had the follow-up with my eye doctor and he said he is not concerned with my eyes but wants to keep an eye on it anyway. He believes there is some benign scarring from possibly a fungal infection and the optic nerve is settling back in so there is no real question that it is from surgery and the tumor.

Basically, medically I'm doing pretty good for now. All the above things but the teeth have been put to bed for at least 6 months so we can carry on and enjoy more weeks with no doctor's appointments. :)

Emotionally - Things continue to go smoothly and other than getting a bit stressed out about how in the world I'm going to get everything done for Relay, the yard, the house and still get the amount of rest I need... *Deep Breath*. Honestly, it is good to be busy because it allows me to live my life and not worry about what the future may hold. I've learned even more to live in the present not the future. Love those you have and remember that life is very precious.

On this level as well I have been more or less released by my therapist. He thinks I am doing well and I will check in with him around September. We will be doing two things at this time. One will be taking the Aptitude test I took before surgery last year and the other just to catch up a bit and make sure I'm not making any backwards falls. I still find it a bit ironic that I went to him because of anxiety issues and those seemed to go away after I was diagnosed with the brain tumor. We quickly transferred our focus to stress management and dealing with the emotional side of the situation. I have not had serious issues with anxiety since I was diagnosed. I have told him multiple times "the cure to anxiety is a brain tumor." LOL

Mentally - I still don't believe I'm as sharp as I used to be. I have to work harder on a lot of mental tasks that used to come easily to me but I am still "above average" in most categories. Numbers still elude me a great deal but they are much better than they were 6 months ago. Likewise my focus has improved a good deal both on and off the meds. With the meds my focus is better than it used to be. Off the meds it's just a smidgeon below the previous normal. I've adjusted well to my "new normal" and I've accepted that things will still come to me, they just might not be as natural as they once were.

Another thing that's come up that I think will be best placed in the mentally category. I've been thinking a lot lately about what I want to do with my career. It's no secret that my position at work will likely be eliminated at some time in the near future. I still enjoy working with computers but the truth is, the more network stuff they take from us, the harder it is for me to stay interested. I really don't mind some of the high end stuff we are doing now. It's a lot of reports, researching, etc and it's ok. Sometimes I just feel a bit out of my league when dealing with them. I never took training on leading projects or anything along those lines. I sometimes feel my degree doesn't have the insight that is needed for the position I am heading. I guess this is the long way of saying, I've been seriously considering going back to school to obtain my bachelor's degree at some point in the near future. It will probably still be a year or two away because I need to get the young'n old enough to be able to be by himself during busy season when John will also be late. I guess it's just one of those things I often thought of doing at some point but not really motivated enough to pursue it at the present. Now I'm more motivated and it's something I really want to do.

Physically - I do believe my stamina increases each day. I was up much later than normal all of last week and was able to keep going all week and was able to box some computers up Friday afternoon. Friday night I got 11 hours of sleep, Saturday I dug up weeds most of the evening, that night I required almost 12 hours to recooperate, Sunday I cleaned the siding on the front of the house (it had some nasty mold/algae/green stuff on it), and slept 8 hours last night. I am wiped today. I think three days of strenuous activity in a row was two days too long but I know it will benefit me in the end.

My weight continues to drop and I can visibly see my waist shrink and my muscles in my legs and arms rebuild. It feels good to be gaining some muscle back and I'll have to start wearing belts real soon. LOL For now I'm getting them from the typical summer activities and being more active around the house. I will be looking into the WiiFit again this winter to keep it going when the activity level drops some. For the record, I'm 3.8 lbs from my lowest weight since having my son.

I haven't reported on the hair situation for a while so I figure it's time to do that. My hair is getting really long now. It's around 2-4 inches long depending on where you look. For those that haven't seen me, it is extremely curly. I have a spot about the size of my palm that is still very sparse. There is definitely shoots of hair there, just not in the volume that the rest of my hair is. I think that by the end of summer, I should be able to comb my hair over and no one would even notice the lack of hair. I still wear headbands and hats when I go out because it does still show but I'm getting braver and braver and wear them much less. I don't think I even take one to work with me 9 days out of 10. Really the only time I worry about it is in the sun and when I'm going to be around kids. I'm not worried about the kids but I know kids are inquisitive and I don't want them asking questions that will make their parents feel uncomfortable. I don't mind answering questions but I know what it's like being on the opposite side of the blunt and inquisitive child. Honestly, I look forward to the day that I don't have to even worry about it. I do enjoy wearing the headband or hat now and then but they give me pressure headaches so easily I like to avoid them on the daily basis. Truth is, I have a large head physically and it's hard to find something that is not really tight on it. I often got pressure headaches from things on my head before surgery and it's just been intensified since. In the meantime, I'm trying to keep it from getting sunburnt and encouraging it to continue to grow fast with natural shampoos and conditioners.

Work/Family/Play - Today is the start of our third week of shutdown in 2009. Really, I don't mind them much. I basically think of them as extra weeks of vacation. When you tally in unemployment, we really are not being hurt all that much financially. Even if I didn't have unemployment, I've got quite the emergency fund set up. After this week, we have two more weeks that have already been scheduled. One is the week of Relay (this works out so well for me) and the other is the week after the 4th of July. This week I'm going to be putting the pedal to the metal in getting things ready for Relay. We have trees to make, money to sort out, things to put out on the Relay web, kids games to create, etc. We are also going to work on my son's consumers project for 4H.

I recently found out that my son's grades are not as good as I had the impression. I'm still not certain that he's going to manage to pull off all passing grades this quarter. Most of it is because of him being stubborn and not asking for help when he doesn't understand something. It drives me nuts. I can understand him not asking in class but he has a mom that is very good at every subject but reading/english and I think he should use me more. When I was looking over and explaining his math to him, he was getting 100% on his test because he actually understood the material. All of a sudden, he stopped doing that and the "C" he was carrying at midterm proves that. *sigh* I find it hard to deal with him attitude on grade and school. I was always the exact opposite. I loved school and I excelled academically. I guess he is just his father's boy thru and thru.

Outside of that he continues to grow up a lot physically and maturity wise. He did get into serious trouble recently because he created a Facebook account even though I had told him multiple times no. He is now finding himself grounded from the computer as a result. I just don't think he's ready in maturity for an account such as Facebook and when you live in a smaller town, it's too easy for someone to find you.

I do want to share a little funny here. He will probably be mad that I told this but I think it will give a good laugh. This morning we were all at the table eating breakfast and I noticed he had what appeared to be a hair on his cheek. I told him he had better wipe it off before he ended up eating it. After he tried several times to get it off, I walked over and picked it off. This is when we realized it was attached!!! He went on to whine about me plucking the long hair on his "beard". It was long too. He still only has chicken fuzz on his face but this hair was 1/2 inch long!!! Oh well. We laughed for a bit and he whined that it hurt. Nice way to start the morning though.

The farmers are finally in the fields and John has been busy. He will have to be oncall on Sundays until a majority of them get finished. I don't mind oncall because at least he is still home and we can get things done.

Last update I talked about the Green Show we were going to. It really was very informative and we are definitely considering saving up money to put in some solar panels in our yard to assist with the high electric bills we deal with here. We also got a lot of good ideas for when we redo our kitchen and great room. Those are still a few years off but we have an idea of what we want now. :)

It seems like it has been ages since we have gone to a dance and it looks like the next one will be at Relay. We are just so busy this time of year and it's hard to make it when you never know what time John will get home. The last several Saturdays he's put in 10+ hour days so we wouldn't have made it even if I hadn't exhausted myself. We'll get back into the swing of things soon I am sure. (no pun intended)

Relay - I wish to thank everyone who has supported my Relay For Life team in support the American Cancer Society. I love you guys. There's still time to donate. If you wish to donate go to: http://main.acsevents.org/goto/dreamcatcher Remember every little bit helps. If 5 of you donate $10 we have made $50 that will run advocacy programs to help prevent cancer, research to find cures for cancer, support programs to provide information, comfort aids, wigs, or just someone to talk to for those newly diagnosed or currently going through cancer. You might not believe that your dollars can help but when you put them together, we are striding towards a cure.

I hope everyone is well. I hope to have something special out here on my one year anniversary of surgery so be on the lookout.

*huggles*

Sending All You Moms A...

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Happy Mothers Day

My First Ever Survivor Walk

On Saturday I attended a Relay for Life in a town local to where I grew up. I was a "member" of the team, although a rather inactive one. My primary goal was to get a feel for what Relay was all about before being a captain in my local Relay. I will say that it was a very special night for me.

The Relay was launched with the traditional Survivor Lap. This particular Relay was set up in a high school gymnasium so everyone crowded into the gym as the survivors took their lap. It felt good to be walking with the other survivors and the crowd was amazing as they gave round of applause. The second lap, we were joined by our caregivers. I squeezed John's hand tight as we made this lap. I think, in total, I made 55 laps that night. (I was feeling it the next day!)

Another part of the Relay that I found really special was the Luminaria. They had a screen set up at one end and all of the luminaria were "lit" and the screen scrolled all of those whom had luminarias as well as all of those that were survivors. It was quite emotional to see my name up on the screen with all of the other names of those who have walked the same path.

We only stayed until 1:30 AM for this one because of the very little time I'd have to make up my sleep. (This was on a Saturday night where my local Relay will be on a Friday night) If I don't get the opportunity to get enough sleep, not only am I at higher risk for seizures but I'm pretty much useless the next day. As much as I would have loved to stay the whole night, I knew it just wasn't possible for me to do.

It makes me even more excited for my local Relay. I can't wait to captain my team as we continue to raise money and awareness for the American Cancer Society.

Not Just Lack of Updates

I was just sitting here and I realized that not only have I had a horrible lack of updates recently but there has been a huge lack of quality updates as well. I think my last monthly update was the only one of quality for several months. *sigh* I guess I'm either dealing with spring fever, brain cramp, writer's block, or maybe just a bad case of "my internet sucks".

For a long time I was doing very well with updates and I was happy with my blog. I still love my blog, I just find it harder to come up with anything meaningful to write about. I could sit here and bore you with my philosophy, gardening ideas, or Harry Potter jargon for weeks but I could never really do that to all of you faithful readers (all one of you!!!). That would be worse torture than I would even put my worst enemy through.

I am going to try hard to come up with some new ideas on posts over the next few months. I guess my biggest challenges has been that I am no longer heavy into dealing with the original subject matter of the blog but add in the toll my brain took just shy of a year ago and you have a total disaster.

I don't look to post over the weekend but with any luck I will be awake enough to post all about my first Relay For Life and Survivor's Lap on Monday!!!

The Month In Review... April

The Statement for the month... There is no way that April is almost over... I don't even have my garden planted yet!!!

• I am 10 months past the resection of my brain tumor
• It has been a full 6 months since I completed radiation
• I am in month two of being stable (No laughter now)

Medically - Everything is stable medically for the time being with the exception of the teeth issues and the doctors freaking out about my neck, blood pressure, and optic nerve. *sigh* If it isn't brain cancer it's four others...

I guess I'll take these one at a time since at least one of these things has never been mentioned in my blog or updates before. Start with the teeth. Where my two teeth were pulled earlier this year, I have been having pain because my other teeth are moving into the gap. This isn't a big deal, easily managed with a bit of over-the-counter medication but now my dentist is telling me it will be 8 more weeks before I can get the temporary partial!!! I have never heard of the like. Unfortunately, the dental plan I have has only a few dentists in my area and I mean only like three and none of which are accepting new patients. Therefore, I'm kinda stuck. I fear how much damage will be done to my teeth (or my stomach from the OTC meds) before I actually get my partials. Have I ever mentioned I hate dentists?

The second thing is my neck. Way back when I mentioned this in my blog but it was probably lost in the middle of getting ready for surgery. It was over a year ago when I was having issues with my neck and my chiropractor became leery of working on it because of the pressure in my head. He was concerned that my whiplash injury from two years previous was masking problems caused from my tumor. After weeks of dealing with the issue, it landed me in the ER in excruciating pain. Never did see anyone after waiting for several hours. Long story short they ordered a head/neck MRI. They found a spot in my C3 vertebra. Hemangioma. Benign spot. A birthmark. He worked on my neck after this but now it's been a year and he is worried about the C3 again. None of my other doctors think it is anything to worry about so I'm having trouble getting any tests run on my neck to prove things are still fine. This leaves me dealing with the post trauma of a whiplash injury by using my own methods.

The third thing is my blood pressure. This seems to almost directly correlate with two things: my stress level and my weight. I used to have naturally low blood pressure. My average was 100/50. Note that I said average. It wasn't unusual for me to see 80/43 or something similar. The first time I ever had issues with it was when I was pregnant with my son. It reached 198/110 when the OB said it was time to induce. It took it about eight weeks to get back into an "acceptable" level. (new born baby, 50+ extra pounds...) It has been something we have watched but never seriously concerned with from that point on. About three years ago, following a rather rough stressful time when a possible heart issue was discovered, it spiked again. This time the doctor wanted me to watch it very closely and I started frequent appointments with him. After losing 35 lbs, my pressure got back into check. It stayed relatively well, despite the stressful situation, up until after I had surgery. After gaining back almost 50 pounds thanks to the steroids, dealing with the stress of having been told it is cancerous, and let's not forget radiation treatment; my blood pressure was around 135/85-95. My doctor was freaking out. Not only was my blood pressure high but he didn't seem to remember that steroids cause weight gain. He became almost obsessive with my weight. Anyway, I had a recheck with him on Thursday. My blood pressure was a very acceptable 110/80 and my weight is back down to below what it was when I had surgery. He's happy now; I'm happy now; hopefully this doesn't fire back up anytime soon.

Then we have the whole optic nerve fiasco. I understand, my optic nerve looks strange. If it were to appear this way in a normal patient it would indicate something wrong. Here's the thing they forget... We KNOW something is wrong. Did they miss the memo that I have a brain tumor? Or what about that I had brain surgery? Oh, and did they miss the part about brain radiation that would affect parts of my optic nerve? *sigh* So my optic nerve looks weird and they don't know if it has always been that way or if it is caused from what I've been through. Does it really matter? As long as I am not having vision issues, headaches, or anything along those lines; does it really matter that my optic nerve looks weird? It's not like they are going to do anything about it. They want to watch it. That's cool. I don't have an issue with that. But when I have to take time from work, not once but three times, for a single appointment and pay $90 in co-pays, it IS A BIG DEAL!!! So you want to do this once a year. I can live with that. But we're getting ready to have it done the second time since December. I think I will have to have a long talk with my two eye doctors. This thing of having to have a field of vision test (even though I aced the first one) with one doctor before seeing the specialist and having two more tests run before seeing the first doctor to discuss the results is going to get old VERY quickly. I know, I know, they are just being cautious. But enough is enough.

So there's the medical scoop beyond the world of cancer. In dealing with the issue that could some day take my life... I see my specialist in July and my next MRI is August. It's kinda interesting that the most serious of my medical issues is the one they are least worried about. Then I wonder why I've had to take my own care into my hands in order to keep the whole things sane.

Emotionally - I will admit that I'm a bit stressed at times trying to find time to do everything that I need to and still get the amount of rest I need to properly recuperate but other than that I feel really good. I am very excited about being a captain for a Relay For Life Team and it feels good to be doing something in advocacy for cancer. I feel physically good and this translates into wanting to do some good.

I have reached a good plateau and my therapist has released me to monthly sessions instead of weekly or biweekly. I have not been on this level since July of 2007. Honestly, we had been more in a "watch how she is acting to see if there's anything that those too close are not seeing" for some time so it was probably even a bit overdue. Our goal since last year has been to make sure and catch signs of things that might not be outwardly showing. When you deal with this type of thing, it can catch you very quickly. It feels good to know that he feels I am in a good enough spot that it isn't going to sneak up on me so quickly that I won't be able to head it off at the pass.

Mentally - I think a few friends who have sent me some brain puzzles via email will agree, I'm as mentally sound as I've ever been even if I sometimes still feel "off color" with it. I continue to surprise myself by getting better with my brain games, have enjoyed doing mental puzzles that I haven't been able to stand for some time, and even dealing with numbers has not become quite as much of a chore. In this sense, I think I'm back on the mark.

One thing I have noticed mentally is the change in my attitude towards things such as money. You can ask anyone, I was a penny pincher. We bought nothing before we analyzed, saved, and wrote a 20 page questionnaire about why we wanted it. (I'm only exaggerating a tiny bit there) We had a budget and we DID NOT GO OVER IT!!! Even going into stores that I have classified as my weakness (office supply and do it yourself stores like Lowes or Menards) I could come out without making any purchases that were not on my list or necessary. It takes everything in my will power to keep from making stray purchases now. I don't know that this is a "chemical" change from surgery or anything like that. I think it is simply that I know life is short and if I want something I need to do it now and not wait until later. I can still keep from spending erroneously to an extent but it takes a lot out of me to do so. Don't get me wrong. I'm still a budgetting nerd and I ensure we have all of our bills paid, budgets set, etc before buying anything but our extra money has taken a bit of a hit in the last year. :)

Physically - I continue to be strong physically. It's not always an easy process, especially since spring and nice weather have set in. I tend to stay up later than I should when the weather is nice and it gets dark later but then I pay for it because I don't get enough sleep to rebuild. I'm learning my limits quite well but it will be a learning curve to find the right balance between going a whole week able to avoid the Friday "can't do anything blues" and having to go to bed at 8 PM to get enough rest. (I'm out to almost 9 PM now and still able to function but need to find a good balance of early and later sleeping to stay awake at work on Friday.)

As I said earlier, my weight is back down to my pre-surgery weight. It's not my final goal weight but I'm happy with it for now. I tend to naturally drop some in the summer anyway so I'm going to let it ride and do what it wants for now. Besides, I'm not sure getting too far down in weight is a good idea in case something does start up in my head and I need to pursue further treatment. I don't think it would hurt to have a little meat on my bones going into it.

Work/Family/Play - Before the second week long layoff that we had at my company, my co-worker was laid off. We all knew that something like this was probably coming, we just didn't know who or when. I miss chatting with him every day but at the same time I know it was probably the best for him. He had been there over 20 years and was aiming to "stick it out". He did get his package and now he has the freedom to try to find something. He's extremely good technically and I know he will not have any problems finding something. I wish him all the luck in the world.

My son has been doing very well in school and otherwise since going on the meds for his ADD. I think he has kept all of his grades above a C this quarter. (We don't have official grades yet but midterm grades should be coming out soon.) I haven't seen any very poor grades so I think this is a very reasonable assumption. He is also growing up quite a bit on me. You can truly see the "young adult" sprouting in him. He still hasn't learned how to pick up after himself but he is enjoying working in the yard with his dad and learning about lawn mower maintenance and things like that.

He's had a rough spring with soccer. A viral respiratory infection made him miss an entire week of it and now he has an ingrown toenail that is infected that will probably make him miss his game Saturday and possibly his practice Monday. It's pretty sore still and on his kicking foot... He is also enjoying some workshops in 4H and has several things scheduled for the summer already including a couple of camps and trips. I told him he better get moving on his projects so that he has them done before he gets too busy. I think he has decided what his woodworking project is this year but not sure that he has worked out how to actually do it and I'm certain they haven't looked at the electricity project yet. (I need to look up the requirements) He and I are going to work on his consumer project in the upcoming weeks as he works within his budget to get what he needs for his Relay fundraisers. Then the cooking one is always fun but other than attempting the recipe, there's not much preparation he can do for that.

John continues to be busy and put in his first set of really long hours a couple of days last week. For the most part he's actually been on time this week but it's been too wet for most to be in the fields anyway. I am hoping he gets off early enough on Saturday to go to town to the "Green Home" show that is at the fairgrounds. I have tickets I won through the local radio station and I think the whole show sounds very interesting and hope to learn some things to go more green and possibly even save some money.

We did dance once this past month but John was working late the next dance so we didn't make it to that one. We will miss the next dance because I will be doing my other Relay and I expect the boys to come hang out for at least a little while. (or drive me home if I've decided to try it all night and not sure I'm safe driving) It was nice getting back on the dance floor. Unfortunately, this spring is not going to be good for the dances. I think we will be able to make the second dance in May but that will be it until the dance that our local caller will be doing at the Relay. The first dance in June we will be traveling.

Relay - Our Relay team continues to do really well. Our Pampered Chef fundraiser ended up earning just shy of $500 for the American Cancer Society. We are now in the process of conducting our final two fundraisers before the Relay. We are selling Pizza Hut cards for $10 that are good for a total of 12 free medium one topping pizzas with the purchase of a large pizza. We are also selling silicone bracelets that read "Say NO to Cancer; Say YES to Cure". These are selling at $3 a piece. We have them in grey, purple, camouflage, flourescent purple, and flourescent green.

Our team has now earned $1715!!! This does not include the Pampered Chef money or any of the money from our current fundraisers. If you would like to see how we are doing you can visit the team site at: http://main.acsevents.org/goto/pot_of_cancer_cure or you can donate at my personal site: http://main.acsevents.org/goto/dreamcatcher . Hurry because time is running out to donate and support my team!!! Remember that every penny counts in the fight against cancer. Cancer does not discriminate and can affect anyone at any time.

Well, I think this was very long-winded and I apologize for boring you all to tears. I hope everyone is doing well.

Huggles

Looking For MY Bailout Plan

Banks get one...
Auto Manufacturers get one...
Our local grade school gets one...
In a round-a-bout way, my employer gets one...

Yes I understand the economy sucks. Yes I understand that I should be happy that we both still have jobs and that we are not in any financial danger at the moment. However, I think it's time that those who ARE financially responsible get their bailout.

I'm not even going to get into the very controversial and public bailouts of the Banks and Auto companies. It's too broad and I don't have the energy to cover it. They got their bailouts... 'nuff said.

Our tiny little school, that should probably give into the inevitable and consolidate with another school now while there are many options open to them, got a bailout. Their bailout is in the form of a referendum that passed that will raise MY property taxes even more than their already over-inflated cost. All the other schools in the county do it on much less than they received BEFORE the referendum. Somehow I'm not sure that putting a bandaid on a broken bone is going to do much good. I refuse to dive any deeper into this subject. They got their referendum... their bailout... 'nuff said. (Note: Now that the referendum has passed I will openly admit that I voted against this bailout. There were a few teachers at the school that I hated to see lose their job if the referendum failed but that is the only thing I saw positive about it. Remember that everyone is entitled to their opinion and I do not wish to see flames on my blog over this. TIA)

My company is getting their bailout as well in a kinda sorta way. Between laying people off permanently and making everyone left take unpaid leave and pay reductions, they are essentially getting their bailout as well.

So tell me, where is my bailout? The cost of everything from electric rates to stamps are going up. My property taxes are going up. My health costs are going up...

We've made it through our own economic hardships that have occurred yearly for the past five years. I mean we survived losing two months of John's paycheck two years in a row, having to come up with additional money for our house when the idiot that sold it to us screwed us over, and the horrendous doctor bills of the past 12 months. We managed to keep it together and make ends meet and still be able to cover car troubles, medical expenses, a septic pump going out, and now our pressure tank. This all has been covered while I am getting the 10%+ pay cut and having to pay out more.

Why am I doing so well and big businesses (and schools) doing so poorly? I think it all has to do with common sense. You have to plan for the down times, have plans of attack set up, and be willing to think outside the box. Yes, sometimes you have to sacrifice as well. Do CEOs really need million dollar bonuses? Do people really have to have private jets to go only a few hundred miles? Should we pay to support things that might be better off being let go? I know that I am prepared to sacrifice. I don't rack up huge debts to buy the ATVs that my family would love to have, the new flooring we desperately need, or even hire someone to do repairs around our house. If I don't have a cushion to fall back on and have the money in excess, we don't do it. Why are the people we are bailing out not having to make these sacrifices? Why is it that those so far in debt they can't live get "bailouts" but those of us living in our means go without? (This is directed towards normal people who live outside their means with the assistance of credit cards. Bankruptcy is a bailout if I've ever seen one.) Again, an argument for another time.

While they are getting billions, what is my bailout?

My merit increase was non-existent as part of cuts taking place where I work. Due to the layoff of my co-worker, I now have more responsibility and work. My pay has been cut by at least 10-15% because of mandatory unpaid shutdowns. My bailout is simply... at least you have a job.

Sure. A job. Twice the work... 10% pay cut... A job...

I guess, in conclusion, I'd like to see a REAL bailout any day now. I'd be happy with just the difference between what I should be making and what I will make this year... that's a heck of a lot more reasonable than the money to pay the outrageous debts caused by poor decision making. I think it's time to reward the responsible... not the irresponsible.

The Month in Review... March

Hello Everyone.

The statement for the month... Yes, I'm crazy. :)

• I am 9 months past the resection of my brain tumor/cancer.
• It has been 5 months since the completion of radiation.
• I am one month past the great news that everything is stable.

Medically - I'm very happy to say that twice this month I have not had any type of medical appointment to attend!!! After having some sort of appointment every week since August of 2007, this has been a huge milestone for me. It has been nice not having to worry about arranging work schedules or making up time in order to go to the doctor.

My two trouble teeth are gone and I'm not having any problems with where they were. I have to wait until the 20th of April to get my partial because they insist on doing my filling the same day. (On a tooth that doesn't bother me and the filling looks so tiny it's almost not worth it but since the dental insurance has changed and you can only do one every 6 months... I'll let them do it so they don't "need" to do more than one during a six month window.) *rolls eyes* Now I know why I avoided dentist offices for as long as I did.

Emotionally - Everything is going well here. I've got good control of myself despite the additional strain of the work situation. (I'll explain a bit later)

Mentally - I continue to see improvement in this category. The other day I was able to increase a large portion of my stats again in Big Brain Academy for the Wii. I haven't increased my stats for quite some time so that felt good. I've also managed to get a big of my calculations back down. For a while after surgery I could not calculate for anything but I'm getting back to it now. This pleases me.

I'm still not back to myself when it comes to analyzing numbers. This does bother me some but I keep hoping it's more because I have other things I'd rather do and not so much that I just can't do. I used to be "budget beware" but now it's down to just what has to be done to manage our money. I think this is the first time since John and I were married that I did not find the need to do our taxes a dozen different ways and both electronically and by hand. (Yes, I was a bit obsessive.) :)

Physically - Things are still going well here. Right now John and I are on a spring cleaning rampage and are working on lots of projects that have been put off for WAY too long. I've got good energy and I'm keeping up with him physically so that is a good thing. I haven't done wiifit in a while so that I can work on the house after work but I look to get back into it and walking in the next month or so to get ready for the Relay. I am working on setting goals for myself on how many laps I want to walk in a single hour at the Relay.

Work/Family/Play - Work has been... to say the least... stressful. We have lost some big accounts at work and with the downslide of the economy the outlook isn't looking too positive. They have decided to do week long plant shutdowns. I am currently on one of the two that they have already announced. The other will come the week before Easter. Part of me doesn't mind. I have budgetted for this very type of thing so John and I will not be hurt too bad financially. We may just need to put some projects off a little longer. However, I've been getting a ton of stuff done that I haven't had time to do. Between the spring cleaning, Relay, the Pampered Chef party for Relay, doctor's appointments, dance, etc... it's been chaotic and I've been running like a mad woman. I'm slowly getting things caught up and I am happy about my progress so we'll see where I am at the end of this first layoff.

The meds have helped my son tremendously with his school work. He had not missed an assignment since going on it and his grades have improved as well. Hopefully this quarter he can stay on the right foot and not dig a hole that he will have to work his way out of. His spring soccer started Monday night and his first game is Saturday. Both of my soccer mom buddies have kids on his team so I don't have to sit around bored at practices this season. The only issue is that it's on the same night as Relay For Life meetings so I have to be two places at once. We'll work it out.

John has been very busy at work and has already started working Saturdays. I don't mind because it gives me the morning to work around the house... although this week I may wish for it to not be there since I have had that opportunity all week.

We have not been dancing in quite some time. Unfortunately the last couple dances one of us has been sick. (I something similar to the flu one dance and my son had sinus/bronchitis the other dance.) We'll get back out there at some point I am sure.

In other news, I turned 30 on March 15th. I've decided that 30 isn't all that bad but the first week of it I could have done without. I was sick Wednesday and Thursday, the layoffs were announced Wednesday, and we spent Saturday night at the clinic with JJ. So far this week has been better. *knock on wood*

Relay - We are wrapping up a VERY successful fundraiser for Relay For Life. With the host percentage and the 10% that our consultant is graciously donating of her commission we are looking to make around $300 for the Relay with our Pampered Chef Party. The party is still open until 6 PM on the 31st if you are interested in any items. Just go to: www.pamperedchef.biz/loucarm and put in my name as the host. Any product you order will result in a total of $25 going to the Relay.

Our Relay For Life team is doing very well as a whole. We have raised over $1200 of our now $4000 goal. I'm very excited about our progress. If you are interested in donating, you can do so by going to: http://main.acsevents.org/goto/dreamcatcher . All of your donations are greatly appreciated and it all goes to defeating the beast we call cancer!!! Every little bit helps!!!

Well, I hope this has been a satisfactory update. We've been majorly busy but nothing seriously to report unless you want a run-down of all the things we've accomplished around the house this month but even I wouldn't want to know all of that!!!

Hope this finds everyone well. I'm off this week so don't hesitate to bug me!