Friday, May 23, 2008

The week in Review 5-23-2008

We are getting closer to the time and things are finally starting to line up now on this day 9 months since my tumor was discovered.

Medically - Things are finally falling into place. I will be going next Tuesday to have all the pre-surgical testing completed. This will include a chest x-ray, bloodwork, and an EKG. Not a big deal, I've had all of them performed before and some of them I've had numerous times. The good news about it is that my arm should be feeling good again before we leave on vacation. :D

I also have an appointment set with my GP for the following Wednesday. This will be my pre-surgical physical. Again, it shouldn't be anything out of the ordinary. It will give me a chance to talk with him as well and make sure we have all of the right connections in place.

I also had a nice and long conversation with my NeuroSurgeon on Wednesday. He answered some of the still remaining questions I had and by the end of the conversation I was even more confident that I had made the right choice. When you have a brilliant doctor, it is much easier to start a road you know will not be easy.

And last but not least, the date of surgery has been confirmed. I have to be there very early the morning of June 10th.

Emotionally - This week truly tested my emotional resolve. Things are falling into place and it's no longer an option to wonder if this is really going to happen or not. I WILL BE HAVING SURGERY... that slapped me across the face a few times this week. However, my emotions have remained intact and that is very important for me. I am not an emotional person. I'm the one that is always strong and focused when others are starting to lose their head. I am the one that can see the positive in a bad situation. This is who I am and it has served me well over the past 9 months. If I did not have this will and determination... this personality if you will, then I probably wouldn't be typing this out to you today because instead I'd be a nervous wreck sitting with my head between my knees in a corner somewhere. I am not the type of person that can do that. Because I have the control over my emotions that I do and because I have the outlook on life that I do, I'm standing tall and proud and ready to get this thing out of my head.

With all that being said, I did have to rely on my friends and John a few times this week to keep me steady and focused. Sometimes it's just a word or two, sometimes it's a full out conversation, and still others it's simply a hug but it keeps me focused and moving forward.

My subscription to a group who has become sisters to me, officially expired today. I will miss them all deeply. We have been through a lot together from infertility, to pregnancy, to losses, and more. They have been a huge support to me but it is time to finally close that chapter of my life. At this point in time, John and I's journey to have a second child is over and it is time to move on from that. However, to any of my friends from Fertility Friend that are reading this. I will miss you all and I hope you keep in touch. *Huggles*

Last Saturday also marked a step that was a huge change for me. As most of you probably saw, I cut off 12+ inches of hair. My hair is now the shortest its been in my memory. The last time I took a large amount of hair off it was actually about 2" longer than it is now so this has been pretty dramatic. However, it is a change that I am embracing. Everyone has been thrilled with my hair and thinks it looks wonderful. Once I get used to it, I'm sure I'll feel the same way. However, for now, I'm focusing on getting used to it so that I'm good and comfortable with it before surgery. It will be a 100 times easier to care for now in those post surgery days and I have a wonderful plan as well for what to do with it to make the time before I can wash it much easier. (You'll just have to wait and I'll post pics before I go in.)

Finally on the emotional side of things... A friend of mine whom I met when my baby brother began dating her, actually managed to bring me to tears a few days ago. Don't worry, they were happy tears. Anyway, they are no longer together but her and I remain friends and she sent me a message that one way she could support me in this venture is to not make me feel as crazy with my short hair, so she chopped hers off as well. She looks beautiful. Yes, I know, many don't feel that my hair is short at all and I guess technically it isn't, but it is very short to me. Anyway, it was just very sweet of her and now we could almost be twins. LOL (Actually I think hers is a bit shorter but that's cool... it looks good on her.) *Huggles*

Mentally - Despite times when I've struggled to focus this week, my energy cycle has regulated itself again and I am thankful for the burst I have received. I am quite satisfied now with the progress I have made. I still have a ton to do but I feel I have a manageable plan now.

This week I also touched base with a few neighbors. One of my neighbors was previously aware of what was going on. She is my walking partner but things have been so crazy that I haven't been going. I feel bad about not getting in touch with her but things have just been crazy. Anyway, she has agreed to feed my cats while we are gone so that's one less thing I have to worry about.

The other neighbor I got in touch with did not yet know about what was going on. We talked for several hours about what was going on and it felt good to connect with them the way I did. I really enjoyed our conversation and again regret that I hadn't gotten in touch with them before. The few times I tried didn't pan out for various reasons but in the end all is well.

Physically - I am hoping that the return of my natural energy cycle is not hindered by the fact I am now coming down with a cold. Yes, a cold. Not a good thing to have developing this close to surgery. However, as long as that is what it stays as, I should be fine. The drastic weather changes over the past several weeks and the stress that creeps up no matter what, has not made it easy to keep it away. My goal now is to just keep it from becoming bronchitis and a sinus infection. That would probably majorly delay things since I am usually out for weeks when these things take place.

Family - Things are going about as they did last week. My son is hanging in there and doing well. He's excited for school to just about be over.

John had a few rough patches this week but we are good about working with each other to pull ourselves up. I know it is harder on him than me. I have said it many times before that I am glad I am on this side of the picture and not in his place. I know that the hardest moment so far in his life will be that time I am in surgery. That's just how close we are. However, I know that seeing my face when he comes back to ICU will brighten him up and he will be greatly relieved. Our love is strong, we'll get through this. :)

Play - Dance was very nice Saturday and I enjoyed it. I will deeply miss dance over the next several months. Everyone there is so wonderful and I will miss them. I will check in with them when I'm feeling up to it.

Well, I think that wraps this week up. Lots of info in this one. *Huggles*

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