Tuesday, September 25, 2007

It's my Life my Decisions

Everybody handles traumatic news and life altering decisions in their own way. Some do whatever the doctor tells them to with no second guessing at all. Others question everything and ask all the tough questions. Some just give up and walk away from the whole experience. Still others don't believe they are doing the right thing if they are not doing something. I have dealt with each of these types since I've been diagnosed with my brain tumor.

So what is my way? I question everything and ask questions and I won't do anything unless I deem it worth my cause. This is why I am not going to be having a biopsy and why I am going to get an opinion on Gamma Knife even though my neurosurgeon feels differently. I'm not going to sit back and let him call the shots for my life or let a very promising procedure pass me by without at least a look. I'm not going to have a test run just to ensure the doctor has covered his behind.

If I had a dollar for every time it's been hinted or said to me that I am being selfish and that I'm playing Russian Roulette with my life, I'd be a millionaire right now. I guess the only response I have to that type of statement is as follows:

I am an intelligent young woman. I have the experience, knowledge, and means to make decisions for myself. I have never been one to make a decision without all the facts and without feeling good about it. Any decision I make has been weighed out against my life and discussed with the only person who's opinion I hold above all others and that is my husband. If together, we make a decision and we truly believe it is the best decision for us, then we are saying we are willing to take that chance. It's a risk that is worth it in our eyes, so please just support it.

I know that it is hard for many to understand that sometimes doing the accepted thing is not necessarily doing the best thing. The key to it all is that I don't want to just exist in life, I want to live life, if I can't live my life, then what is the reason in living? All of my decisions have to make me feel good about that statement. I don't want to live to be 100 and not have my mobility or mind about me. I would rather die at 40 of sound mind and body.

Just remember when talking with those that are facing similar life situations that it is ok to give your opinion but until you are standing in their shoes don't push "what you would do" on them. No one knows what decision they would make until it is staring them in the face. Instead of pushing things on them, support their decisions and let them know that even though you may disagree with them, you trust they are doing what they feel is best.

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