Six Months Ago; Life Changed

The six month anniversary of finding my tumor will be tomorrow. In some ways it is hard to believe that half a year has passed since the day my life changed forever. In other ways it seems like it has gone on forever.

Certain moments will forever be etched in my memory. The look in my doctor's eyes when he said "You have a brain tumor"; The question of the unknown that would quickly appear in everyone's eyes when I told them; The days of waiting; The overwhelming relief I felt when the first neurosurgeon told me that it was a small tumor that would most likely not cause me any problems over the course of my life; The discovery of Gamma Knife and the "miracle cure" I believed it to be; The sudden heartbreak I felt when I was told that it is possibly not as small as we were originally led to believe; The feeling of being lifted up to the clouds by all of my friends when I was ready to walk away from the entire thing; The comfort I get from those closest to me; The look in my husband and son's eyes that remind me what I am fighting for.

Some things never leave you and one of those things for me is the amazing support I have gotten from EVERYONE. You truly don't know how many times I have been pulled from the brink of losing it by a simple word or a hug from an unexpected place. Just today I wrote a post on a message group that has a lot of very good friends that has become family to me. I'd like to share a portion of that message:

I often find it improperly placed when people tell me I am handling my situation with admirable strength. Deep inside, I know that is not the truth. Anyone with the kind of support that I have, would be able to do the exact same thing.

Every time that I feel like the fight is not worth it or the stress is too much, I come out here and read posts from my FlyFamily and I can feel my faith being refilled and my heart feeling positive again. Whenever I feel like breaking down into a blob and just crying my life away, I look down at my purple bracelet and think to myself that I can't let those that care about me down. My personal strength carried me through the first several days of diagnosis. It took me through to the point that I had actual answers instead of simply words, but after that time, it has been the strength that I draw from all of you that has kept me strong.

Without my many friends across r/l and the internet and the wonderful tool I lovingly call my blog, I probably wouldn't have the composure to sit here and type out this message. This wouldn't be a post that shows strength, love, and determination. Instead, it would show someone who feels defeated by life and willing to step aside and give up on it. Yes, I would have stayed strong for a while on my own, but by the time that I reached this point I would have crumbled. Instead, what you are able to see is someone that is determined to beat this thing and actually feels like she has reason to. Someone that feels like they have a reason to fight because there are people that would miss her if she didn't.

If this post sounds depressed, don't read it incorrectly because I am actually quite joyful today. It has been six months since I was diagnosed with something that most people find truly terrifying. It has been six months since they discovered the thing in my brain that sends chills down most people's spines. It has been six months since I rediscovered the meaning of life. It has been six months since I reached out for support and received it back in tenfold. It has been six months that I have reached inside myself for strength I didn't know I had. It has been six months that transformed me from a stubborn young lady to a mature individual with a will to live. It has been a scary six months. It has been the wildest roller coaster that I have ever ridden on. It has been six months that has defined who I am. It has been six months that will carve out the path to the rest of my life.

Ok, enough of this. Remember, leave no stone unturned. Leave no word unspoken. Live each day to the fullest of your ability. Give a smile to a stranger or a kind word to a friend. You never know when it will make the difference in their life. I love you all. *Huggles*