The 8th Grade "Angel's Cry"

I'm not really in the writing mood today so instead of rambling on about what is going on in my life or the world of brain tumors, I'm going to share with you a poem I wrote in the 8th grade. The story behind this poem is a bit funny but I'll let you read it before I share it. I'd like to hear your opinion of it, then you can read the bottom where I explain why I wrote it.

Angel’s Cry

I can hear him in the background,
But he is so far away.
He may never be found,
But I shall look day after day.

I can feel his presence near,
Though I may never receive his love,
For I live in fear,
Like an innocent white dove.

I can see what he meant
And pray to hear more,
But I know he will not be sent
To show me the way to soar.

If we weren’t afraid to tell secrets
He’d be by my side.
My heart longs for him, yet it frets,
At the way he will forever hide.

He runs in fear of me,
An innocent white dove.
Someday I will see
Him return my love.


So what do you think? Tell me honestly. Now that you have formulated your thoughts on it and written a comment, you can now read on and get the "rest of the story".

From 6th grade until my Junior year of high school, I had a diehard crush for one of our teachers. He was extremely handsome and I just adored him, even in his faults. Well, one day I was in math class and I was extremely bored as the teacher explained something that I had already picked up on. In the class next to us, my crush was teaching and I could hear his voice through the walls. Thus "Angel's Cry" was born.

I look back and realize how crazy I was to have such a crush, but back then I truly adored him and would have given anything to be at his side. My friends from high school can tell you, I was nuts over him. My Junior year, after meeting and falling in love with John, my crush on him turned into respect and the remainder of the year was spent with this mutual respect and trust. I'll never forget one particular incident in shop class... wait, that's a story for another time. Another time when I just don't have an inspirational muse. :)

Anyway, He is obviously my teacher in the next room and he did show me the way to soar although I don't think he will ever know it. Although he may never return my love the way I loved him then, we did come to respect each other, and for me that is all the love from him I need.

I hope you enjoyed it.

How to Celebrate Ten Years

Yes, this is our eleventh anniversary not tenth but I wanted to share with you how we celebrated our tenth anniversary. You see, John and I and our son all enjoy an online community/game called puzzle pirates. It's really quite a brilliant game and we have met a lot of very special people through it. Well, although not giving any special privileges, we thought that having our pirates marry in the game would be a fun reason to celebrate and give us the opportunity to renew our vows in a fun environment. So, on our tenth anniversary, we renewed our vows as our pirates DreamCatcher and DeereSlayer (he works for John Deere...) wed.

The ceremony was written and officiated by our monarch and dear friend, Limeysmum (Mum). The special vows we share were written by us.

To place the scene, we are on a small yet beautiful island surrounded by a dozen of our closest pirate friends. DreamCatcher is wearing a white dress with aqua edges and a head piece made of white flowers. DeereSlayer is wearing a white dress outfit with aqua edges and looks mighty sharp if I should say so myself. Our son Jazer joins us at the side.

Mum:

coughs to clear throat

Dearly Belubbered,
We are gathered here today,
to renew the union of this Rapscallion and this wench,
in unlawfully wedded matrimony.
If any o ye object to such a union,
Ye be 10 years too late.
Speak now so Jazer can stab ye with his blade.

Turns to DeereSlayer

Do ye, Deereslayer,
continue to take this wench,
in victory or defeat,
in Scurvy and in Shingles,
for booched or for incredible,
as long as ye both shall sail?

DeereSlayer:

Aye do

Turns to dreamcatcher and smiles

10 years have passed since we said I do
And I stand before ye today to show me love is still true
Weve weathered rough seas and enjoyed the calm
And I will fight beside ye with a sword in me palm
To the end of our sail I’ll be true blue
And never stop giving all me love to you

Mum:

Turns to DreamCatcher

Do ye, Dreamcatcher,
continue to take this rapscallion,
in victory or defeat,
in Scurvy and in Shingles,
for booched or for incredible,
as long as ye both shall sail?

DreamCatcher:

Aye do

Takes a deep breath and stares upon Deere’s deep blue eyes

Ten leagues back, me spoke of love and tis meaning.
Me was a green wench back then fer it is many incredibles more beautiful
and no ultimate can compare.
As we continue to travel the ocean of life,
Me will continue to give ye all the sails tokens I can manage
and shall that carry us to that lovely blood.
Me will follow ye into any battle with sword a drawn
Or fists clenched.
Shall our chosen colors always mesh.
Love ye ferever

Mum:

Ye may now both disable your DND for a trade request.

Both:

With this ring, I do trade.

Mum:

By the power vested in me by Yohoho and the flag Limelight,
I now pronounce ye Pirate and wench.
Ye may kiss yer mate.

Deereslayer:

kisses Dreamcatcher

Jazer:

jumps in for a group hug

Sounds like a beautiful way to celebrate doesn't it? :)

The Promised Speech of Love

This is the speech that I gave on our wedding day.

Love: Some people see love as simply a word that comes between “I” and “You” in a sentence.

Love: Some people see love as an infatuation that can only be met with the most handsome man or the most gorgeous woman, who has lots of money, a nice car, and a big house.

Love: Some people do not believe it exists, because they have been hurt by what they thought was love.

I feel sorry for those people. For they shall never know how my heart beats uncontrollably when I hear your voice. They shall never know the overwhelming sensation that surrounds me when I look into your eyes. And they shall never know what it’s like to have the strongest force in existence constantly surrounding you.

Thus far we have traveled two separate roads. Today our two roads are going to combine into one road that we will travel together forever. Yes we are going to have many obstacles to overcome, and we are going to make left turns when we should have made right, but if we stick together and work things out we will be stronger than ever before.

It is a well-known fact that a tiny seed, when planted in the ground and properly nourished, can grow into a large and beautiful tree. However, it is a little known fact, that there is a seed planted in the hearts of two people, that when properly nourished, can grow into a love so strong it can never be broken.

Like the colors yellow and blue make the color green, today you and I shall combine to make us.

John, I love you and I forever will.

(I know at least one line in the above speech should sound familiar to a friend. Does that ring a bell Heather?)

Greatest Day of My Life

Saturday, October 5th, 1996 was the single greatest day of my life. That was the day that I married my best friend and the man I wished to be my life long partner. We parted ways on October 4th less than an hour before midnight. Afterall, it is bad luck for a groom to see the bride on their wedding day before she walks down the aisle.

The next morning I was ushered into a little dressing area in the church where my Maid of Honor (My Best Friend) and my bridesmaid (Another good friend) did my hair and make-up. I wish I had half the talent at doing my hair. I am not to shy to admit that they did a great job and I looked beautiful. (I will try to post a picture but very few of my wedding pictures turned out... lesson learned, spend the money and hire a professional.) The whole time we were back there I was nervous, not because I was going to get married, but because I was hiding something that I knew would shock everyone. (Nothing like a little suspense eh?)

Anyway, it was finally time and my party led the way. It was our understanding that they would change the music to "Here Comes the Bride" after everyone was at the front and in place. However, they were waiting for a sign from us to start the music. So my dad and I stood in the hallway waiting for them to play the music. This lasted for several minutes before they finally changed the music and we walked down the aisle. The moment my eyes met with John's was the most amazing thing. Immediately any nerves I had were dissolved.

Ok, the shock. I had told the preacher, without anyone else knowing it, that I had a special speech that I'd like to give during the ceremony. Shortly after beginning the ceremony, he gave me my cue. The whole church became quiet as I confessed my love. (I'll post the speech in another entry) I know some admitted they fell into tears and others were just shocked at it all. All I was doing was confessing exactly what I felt.

We then said our vows, exchanged rings, lit the unity candle, and were pronounced Husband and Wife. We had a little reception at a local club. It was a good time and I have lots of fond memories. For instance, let me see a show of hands of all the brides that have caught their own garter. *Looks around as no one raises their hands and raises her own* Seriously, I did. John threw it and it landed on a thin line that was running across the area. The boys tried grabbing it and knocked it off right to me. Then there was the fact my Best Friend caught the bouquet so her boyfriend (who was the Best Man) ran and hid before the garter was thrown so that he didn't catch it. Which brings me to the Best Man speech...

I honestly can't remember all that was said in the speech but the part that stands out to me is that right before the speech, I told my Maid of Honor that it was going to be difficult to toast. You see, I am exactly five foot. John is six foot three. We're not exactly made for a locked arm toast. Well, the Best Man thought of everything!!! He had decorated a milk crate with pretty white lace that put me just the right height for a beautiful locked arm toast.

The first dance was so amazing. I remember looking into his eyes the entire time "Wind Beneath my Wings" played. It had to be obvious to everyone present that we were deeply in love.

Oh, the best part of the reception... It seems like it is almost tradition that the bride and groom make sure that cake gets smeared as much as possible on the others face when they have the first piece. Well, John and I decided to take that one step further and rather than smear it over each other's face, we would turn and get our Maid of Honor and Best Man. Well, what John didn't know is that my Maid of Honor and I had agreed neither of us wanted to mess up our make-up so when I was supposed to put it in her face, I turned and got him just as he turned back around. I did end up with icing across my face after he realized what happened but it was all fun. Now that I think about it, I think it was a clever trick by my Maid of Honor because she was the only one without cake on her face!!! (I still love ya Jess!!!) After we got all the giggles out of the way we did it properly to tons of oohs and aahhs.

We finally were able to sneak out of the reception and we went to our new home to change clothes and for him to "carry me across the alter". We had to be cautious though because I was pregnant and we didn't want to cause any problems. His dad informed us that a new bride is not allowed to make the bed the morning after her wedding so he had gotten us a nice hotel room at a local hotel in town. (We didn't have the money for a honeymoon so we waited on that.) That night I think both of us were sound asleep by 8 PM and I don't think we had left the reception until 6!!!

The last thing that our wedding day has to include even though it's not the greatest thing... The next morning we woke up and enjoyed a quiet morning at the pool. Shortly after we returned to our room, we received the call that our car had been broken into overnight and they had stolen John's cd player. It wasn't exactly the way we wanted to start our married life together but it was just the first obstacle we knew we'd face and overcome together.

It's Been Eleven Years Now

It doesn't seem possible that it's been eleven years now since John and I was married. I remember it all like it was yesterday. It really was a very special time. The beauty of being married for eleven years is that although you now know all of your partners little quirks and can often finish their thoughts, you still learn new things about them on a daily basis. I think that's part of what makes a marriage work, that you forever try to learn more about your partner.

We were at a wedding not long ago and they had a "generational" dance. You know the ones where they start the dance and then count down, "all those who have been married less than five years sit down, etc..." It felt weird that at the 10 year mark there were only about a dozen of us still standing. I think it says a lot about marriage in this age. There are so many less that hit each milestone. I often wonder why that is, but alas that is for another day and another time because my feelings on this are very strong and I do not wish to put a damper on this day for it should be a celebration.

For those that don't know, I was married at the age of 17 and John was 21. It was a marriage "doomed to fail" because the odds are not in favor because of our ages. I like to believe that I've proven otherwise and that teen relationships really can survive as long as both parties are willing to put a little time, effort, communication, and compromise into it. Don't ever count someone with the right determination out of anything.

Well, that's all of a download for now. I will add a few more entries today as I remember my wedding day and share a very special speech with you. Have a great Friday everyone!!!

Against the Odds and winning

I realize as reading through some of the entries I've started for my blog, that I have done a pretty good job of leaving several question marks about my life. I will attempt to head off some of those questions now.

First off, yes, I was a teen mom. I got pregnant at the age of 17. I married my true love in October before my son was born in February. Many believed we wouldn't make it and that I had "screwed up my life". However, I was destined to defeat the odds and not let that happen. We lived off of a very tight budget for two years as I finished high school and eventually college. I graduated from a local business college with an Associates Degree in Computer Networking in 1999. I later was able to get a job as a temp for a local manufacturing plant and was later hired on there permanently. I have been there ever since.

Shortly after my son turned five, my husband and I bought our home and 10 acres land in a small town just like we always dreamed. I won't lie and say that it was easy to get to the place I am now, but I'm living proof that it is possible. John and I will be celebrating our 11th wedding anniversary in 17 days. Since many people felt we wouldn't make it to five years, every year is special.

So what's the deal about being against surgery? This one is a little more complicated because part of my issue with it is based in reality and part in extended fears. When I was shy of three years old, I went in to have a routine tonsillectomy. What we didn't know is that I would come out of that being paralyzed for several hours. The cause was a genetic disorder called Pseudocholinesterase deficiency. It is a disorder that prevents your body from ridding itself of certain anesthesias in a timely manner, thus leaving you paralyzed until it is able to rid it. Now the disorder is scary enough but as long as it is known, it is typically relatively safe.

However, of course I can't be normal and have this the only affect, I tend to also have issues with things as minor as Lidocaine. If you've ever had dental work done, you've probably had this. It is not unusual for it to take up to 36 hours for me to start getting the feeling back in my mouth following dental work. Most look at me like I'm crazy and there can be no possible relation to it, but these facts make me fear that surgery is a much larger risk for me than the average person. Therefore, whenever you see me mention that "surgery is not an option", you have to realize that in my mind I am weighing out a lot of things. As hard as it's been for my hubby to hear me say it this way, "Is the benefit of doing this right now enough to justify me taking the chance of never getting off the table?" If I can't say that I'm ready and it's a risk that is worth taking, then chances are good it won't occur. Maybe my fears are unfounded, but I've always found I'm against the odds when it comes to statistics. Would you take that chance?

I think that's all the major things that need cleared up that I don't plan on addressing in the "Beginnings" section. I hope some day to actually have readers that will visit this and ask these questions. :)