Friday, April 4, 2008

The Week in Review 4-4-2008

This week's review will feel very good because for the first time this year I can truly give full updates. I have been unable to do this all year because of the things I wasn't yet revealing. It's good to have my mind made up finally and now that I've informed those that need to know... I'm ready to rock.

Medically - Well, I've made the announcement I've been hiding under my cap for several months now. We are moving forward with surgery in June. The other thing revealed this week is the headache that occurred when they found the hemangioma in my neck. Luckily, the hemangioma isn't really an issue right now so it is just on the back burner of things to keep an eye on.

Also on the medical front, I have been in touch with my NeuroSurgeon's office and we are beginning the paperwork process that needs to be completed for me to get the time off at work. Things are moving forward.

Emotionally - This was a rough week in many different ways but perhaps not for the reason most of you would assume. Most of the conflicting emotions had very little to do with my surgery or even my tumor.

Most of the emotions were aimed from some aggravating events that occurred at work and the blame I put on myself for this happening. I also had some emotional events when I saw some of the "changes" I am going through already and surgery has not even happened. I know these changes are not permanent and they are directly related to stress but they bother me all the same.

Beyond that the emotions that were directly related to surgery was in telling my immediate family about my plans and trying to work out some "details" on it.

However, today I am in very good spirits and I am looking forward to a fun but busy weekend with my family.

Mentally - I continue to drag my feet on some of the really important things I need to get done but I know I will get them as I get closer to crunch time. These are the type of things you need to be in the right mindset for and nothing sets a mind quite like a looming deadline!!! Especially when that deadline is one that can't be surpassed. So I'm not making the progress on those things that I want but I have made very good progress in a little more normal areas. John and I have finally gotten the desk units in place in my computer room and the room that was once a disaster of stuff that I could not put up is now becoming a functional room again. This makes me feel really good and I know it is good progress towards where I want to be in early June.

Physically - For the first time all year, I feel great!!! I don't have any sinus pressure. My neck/back is doing very well. My allergies have been in full swing but I've finally found a combination of medications that successfully fights it and allows me to enjoy things.

Also on the physical front, I am proud to say that every day but Wednesday this week I worked out in some form. I have been walking (although not this week due to weather and the desperate need for new tennis shoes), lifting weights, and working with my balance ball. It has been a long time since I've consistently worked out and it really feels good. I know I won't be where I was when I was younger and got pregnant with my son but I am confident I can be as physically strong as possible going into surgery. This can only help me in my journey. I plan on evaluating my workout over the weekend and determine where I may make changes or add things.

Family - Overall my boys seem to be going well. My son has stepped up and made me proud in many areas. He is helping out a bit more around the house and he is trying really hard to improve his behavior and school work. He frequently comes up with questions out of the blue so I know my pending surgery is on his mind but I feel he is handling it well. Luckily, he has others he can talk to about it as well and he is aware of that so I think that helps him knowing he can talk to many about his fears or questions. I have also been very open with him from the beginning (well I worked out things for myself about surgery before telling him) and do not pull any punches when discussing the surgery or my tumor. I don't go into more detail than he is ready to handle but I do answer all of his questions. I have also let him make a few decisions himself about things and I think that makes him feel good. Besides, he has one of the most important jobs of all and that is to be my supervisor when I get out of the hospital. I think his role as supervisor will change from someone to take care of mommy in the early weeks to keeping me from doing what I'm not supposed to in the later weeks. Normally I have to keep him occupied during the week but I think he's going to be responsible for doing that with me after surgery. I can't think of a job any more important or someone I would rather have taking it. He's a good kid and I'm so proud to be his mom.

John is doing as well as can be expected. He has been a bit more open in talking of late and I know that means that he is accepting the path and ready to take it on just like I am. He has been wonderful in all this and dealing with my many different ideas of what the best plan is. He has told me many times that it has to be my decision and he will stand behind whatever that is. However, he is also quick to make sure that I get back on the right path if I linger too much in a bad direction. It's amazing how much you can pick up about someone and their moods. I guess in 11 years of marriage we have seen a lot and have learned how to handle each other and guide them without making them angry. I know early on he didn't speak much about anything with my tumor and it bothered me that maybe he wasn't quite grasping it all. But soon enough I realized that he was just wanting my emotions to settle down before he started adding to them. After I was stabilized, he gave me his opinions, thoughts, and concerns. Together we make a pretty good team. I analyze things to the point I narrow down the options and hit a road block... he sits back and watches as he forms his own opinions and then carefully guides me away from the road block and into a final decision. I really do love him with all my heart.

Ok, now that I've had those two sappy paragraphs...

Even though I don't talk about my extended family, there are four members of it that I am rather close to. We see each other anywhere from 1-5 times a weeks and we try to support each other. These members are my mom, dad, little brother, and grandma. I don't think anyone but my little brother reads this blog but they are whom I needed to tell prior to posting it out here. I did not want any of them reading it on my blog first. My little brother found out in a way I didn't intend but I think he is doing ok with it. I had told my mom about it last friday but he was late getting there so I didn't tell him. Unfortunately, my mom didn't know I hadn't told him. OOPS. I guess it's my own fault for not telling him sooner but you can't turn back time. Anyway, my point to this section was that they seem to be handling it just fine and I know they will come to terms with it just as John and I have.

Play - I'm not going to even attempt to summarize since I last posted an update. However, I will say that this week I enjoyed playing with my husband's new play toy in the garage that my little brother got him for Christmas. It's a rotary tool and I had some fun playing with it on some scrap wood. I keep teasing John that if he would draw me out some things (I am totally untalented in the drawing department) then I could probably do so neat things with it. :D

This weekend will be packed full with activities. We have a soccer game, a birthday party, a square dance, and a 4H meeting. Should be busy.

I'll talk to you all soon. *Huggles*

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