Thursday, April 3, 2008

The Cat is Out Now

I finally let the cat out of the bag and my family knows now so... I'm just full of new things this past week. This one is the big one though. Tentatively, I will be having an open biopsy/total resection on my tumor on June 10th.

John and I have been thinking long and hard about this decision for several months now and we finally made the decision that it is in our family's best interest to do it in June. I'm sure those that have watched my blog from day one is asking why I've had the sudden change of opinion. Well I'll do my best to explain.

  1. I reserved the right in the very beginning to change my mind as I saw fit.
  2. In December, they changed the coil in the MRI machine (some of you may remember me writing about this). This caused my December MRI to show change, whether or not I felt it was verifiable. My MRIs have been clean since so I'm holding on to the hope that it did not change in December but the stress it put on John and I over the next two months was brutal. The thought that it could grow verifiable over a time that would be hard on our family (harvest, son in school, holidays)... this made me think it's best to do it on our terms. So I guess you could say I've decided to get the tumor before it gets me.
  3. By doing this in June, my son is out of school for the summer so I don't have to worry about him being four hours away in school worrying about me. Also, this way, he can be my "supervisor" when I do return home and John doesn't have to worry about finding people to stay home with me in the event something should go wacky.
  4. By doing this in June, we are successfully between planting and harvest seasons so John can take the time he needs to be with me in Chicago as well as take me to appointments as needed.
  5. It was not a sudden change of opinion. I may be telling everyone about it now... less than 10 weeks to surgery but John and I made the decision back in January. We've had plenty of time to think about it and work out what details can.
  6. I've got one of the best doctors in the field working on me. I trust the man that will do my surgery with my life. I'm young. I'm healthy. I have no deficits. I have hundreds of people behind me supporting and praying for me. I can't imagine that the time will ever be more right than it is right now.
I made this decision no differently than I have every other decision I've made in my life. I thought long and hard about what all the possible options meant. I mentally worked out the details of the pros and cons. I spent many nights working everything over in my head until I knew what I felt was the right move. Don't get me wrong, I changed my mind 100 times before I got to where I am now. It's not a decision you just make on the fly like what you are going to have for lunch. I knew the decision would come when I was ready. When I had it all worked out, the right decision would be sitting in front of me. That is where I am now. I have worked it out. I have decided this is the best way. I have focused on the goal. I have stepped into the ring to take the "bull by the horns". I have worked out the possible scenarios in my head. I have prepared the things I feel I need. I am ready to fight this thing.

I am doing well. I am focused. I am set. I am ready.

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