Thursday, October 27, 2011

Update - One day At A Time

  • It has been 4 +years since I was diagnosed with what was believed to be a benign brain tumor.
  • It has been more than three years since my first surgery confirmed it was a malignant tumor not benign
  • It has been 4 years since I was diagnosed with what was believed to be a benign brain tumor.
  • It has been more than three years since my first surgery confirmed it was a malignant tumor not benign
  • I have completed 7 rounds of Temodar chemo and will have my third round of a new chemo avastin on Wednesday.
Medically - We will know more in a few weeks what improvements if any are taking place ( I will be getting another MRI at that time.  MY counts are very low at present thanks to the steroid, however, today at least,I am feeling fairly well other than fatigued.  Hoping the swelling in the next MRI Is was down so I can go off the steroid and just go on the chemo.  That would make m me feel 100 times better!!!!I am improving in some areas but it's hard to judge because of the total body weakness caused from the steroids. 

Emotionally - Being trapped at home due to not being able to drive on the steroids has got me the most emotionally down, I think ive been since diagnosis.  I'm trying hard to stay positive but there's not much ot look forward to at the present, especially when th steroids have you feeling so crappy you can' expend much energy to anything positive.  MY counts  were very low yesterday so that doesn't help and not driving is a bigger emptional toll than you realize.  Not that I would be safe or attempt being brhind the wheel right now.   I might be emotionallly down about it but I'm not stupid or suicidal either one!!!!

Family - Just conituing one day at a time.  My son is enjoying high shool, JOhn is finally wrapping up harvest, and with a little luck i'll keep improving.

physically - My leeft side weakness is getting better by the day, however the reason for improvement is still out in the open in my eyes.  The doctors and certain family members think it's the steroids, I think it's the chemo shrinking the blood vessels effectively reducing swelling and that the steroids are just a nuisance i'lI have to put up with a bit longer.  They have been lowered again and I am feeling better so I hope that's enough proof to go off of them next week during my nExt treatment.  Besides the steroids, not the chemo, are hurting my counts.  UGH!!!!We are hoping I am right in ths case. I'm having a good day today, but I refuse to believe it's the best I can hope for.  I'm not ready to be out of this game yet.  

Mentally - In a week when things were only so/so, I did get some positive news on the mind front.  according to some neuroogical testing I'm doing, despite what feels like a major loss in my mental abilities, I am still testing quite accurately compared to what   I was prior to everything happening to me and even high compared to normal.  ai have beeen reassured that, depsite current issuew is shouldn't give up on my my learning dreams.  There' no reason I shouldn't be be able to return to some capacity at some point.  It's going to take more work on my behalf but it's not out of the question.  This is a huge moral booster because I was seriously beginning to think that a lot of my future goals were shot at this point because of being unable to transfer from short term memory to long term.  I guess the iss isn'tbas bad as it appears to me, I'm just used to things coming easier to me is all. 
Ok, I'm going to go warm up in a bath, I will talk to you all again soon and hopefully not so far between this time.  I just haven't hd the energy until now to give a proper update, aslthough short updates can often be found on Facebook if you have me there.

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